Nashville Is Hell

And when I say “hell” I do mean that in the Hieronymous Bosch sense of the word. Holy mother of all flaming cauldrons but it’s hot out there: 8 pm as I write this and it’s 95 degrees! Daytime temps exceeding 100 degrees until Thursday. Every time I go outside it’s like being flayed by a flaming cat o’ nine tails.

You know, I grew up spending my summers in Palm Desert and Joshua Tree. I know what 125 degrees feels like. My mom spent her summers in Death Valley. We are hardy people where heat is concerned; when you grow up knocking around places named Furnace Creek and Badwater, you’re not a thermometer wimp.

But this … this … this is something else altogether. This is quite literally what it must feel like to be sealed in a plastic bag and stuck in the microwave on high for 5 minutes.

And what the fuck is this crawling across my lawn?

I Named Him Pestilence

It looked like the mother of all wasps, as big as my thumb, with thick yellow stripes on its fat body. It was crawling around in the grass like it was looking for its wallet.

I also have a platoon of ants marching across my driveway. They came out of a crack in the pavement I didn’t even know existed, a slowly spreading stain which, when I bent down to examine it, revealed that … Oh my God! IT’S ALIVE!!!! By this morning it was gone. I guess the heat has brought all the nasties out of hiding; even they know when it’s this hot, it’s time to head somewhere else.

And to make matters even worse, the pump on my pond blew and the replacement I ordered is a lemon. The motor is jammed, so until a replacement comes via UPS, my poor fish are slowly boiling alive in water that feels like a piping hot bathtub.

Add to this the loveliness that is our wackadoodle contingent racing each other to the bottom to be the Republican candidate for X, Y, Z office and all I can say is: beam me up.

I am definitely not doing another summer in Nashville. No way, no how.

This sucks.

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14 Comments

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14 responses to “Nashville Is Hell

  1. >The temps today are going up to 102, which is bad enough, but the 79 percent humidity is the killer. Having lived in the desert, there's no comparison between the dry and humid climates.My underclothes stick to me, my hands swell and walking my dog is almost suicidal. I'll take Denver any ole day. Also used to live in AZ but think I'll pass on that.

  2. >My vacation in the San Juan Islands has me thinking that is a lovely place to spend July and August next year …

  3. >Sobeale,That looks like a Cicada Killing Wasphttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_cicada_killer

  4. >It's been a hot one over here too. When I visited NJ three weeks ago they had record heat.

  5. >Here on the California Coast we have been enjoying temps in the low 70's as the rest of the country bakes. We are even having record low temps at night. "Global Warming" is not an accurate monniker, "Climate Change" is. Old timers around here can't remember a summer this cool.I, on the other hand, am LOVING it! In the past we have had temps up to 110 degrees, and although very dry here, anything over 100 is unbearable. I do not know how you can deal with it with high humidity, but come out to San Luis Obispo sometime and you'll be in for a pleasant surprise.

  6. >Thanks, Bob. I knew it was a killer of some kind. Dang it was huge.

  7. >It's not the heat.It's the humidity.Cheers!JzB

  8. >I almost want to say forget Nashville.As the arid Southwest gets hotter and hotter, why are we ginning up more electricity to keep them there?It's like millions of people from a couple of generations ago now find themselves trying to cool off overnight in Furnace Creek.ThresherK

  9. >Yes it's hot out there in the summer but it's a DRY heat.:-)

  10. >Between you, me, and the hygrometer (sic?) by which I live my life and adjust my dehumidifier in the summer, yes, it is a dry heat in the West.But everybody moved and expanded to the west because it was more hospitable.Now? Not so much.(And this is ignoring the fact that the West is out of water.)What more is it going to take to get people defixated on the West as America's Future?ThresherK

  11. >Well, there's always toilet to tap!You were talking about the happy hippie heaven. Here are two unlikely surfing communities that really blew my mind.Bolinas California. A little seacoast town just north of the San Francisco Bay. We were there in summer of 1998, so there were only a few longboards out. I'm sure the big waves come in winter. Still it's always 1/4 inch wetsuits in water that cold. There's one or two long streets leading down to the beach from residences. The faithful have parked their cars, buggies, wagons and buses in a charming line. The beach is a mixture of sand and shale. You can get naked or smoke weed or whatever you want to do.An even more unlikely surfing community is just south of St. David's (reknowned for its recessed cathedral,) in Wales. You will see towels, surfboards, wetsuits and snorkeling gear hung out to dry in the summer sun. Lots of good pub food, nice restaurants with salmon and lamb as well as hostels and B&Bs. And you know you want to see a real forest in Wales with ivy climbing the trees and fresh bracken, stinging nettles and heather. Llandovery was a friendly little town on the edge of the Brecon National Forest. They love Americans! End up at the Mynfordd Inn at the foot of Cader Idris and hike up the slate mountain to a stunning lake.

  12. >Bolinas is awesome. Been there, love it. Never been to Wales.Closer to home, Asheville N.C. is a great little hippie enclave. Not on the water but up in the mountains so it's a good 10-15 degrees cooler than Nashville.Gotta find some place to land next summer. Just call me another modern day Climate Refugee. Know quite a few in Montana these days ….