Dear Liberals: Please stop telling me that Tennessee Teabaggers want to excise slavery from history books. This story is well over a year old. I don’t know why people are still having hissy fits about something that didn’t happen last year and won’t happen this year but I have a few ideas.
The story resurfaced back in January when some idiot blogger saw an old Memphis Commercial Appeal piece from 2011 about the Tennessee Tea Party giving our Goofball Governor a “list of demands.” Among them: telling lies about slavery in our state history books. I’m guessing this blogger forgot the calendar had switched from 2011 to 2012 and did a post on it, but it then ricocheted around the liberal blogosphere. Now it’s a zombie story that just won’t die.
Look, ThinkProgress covered the story on January 13, 2011 and then again on January 23 2012. But it’s the same exact story. It’s not like the Governor can magically decree a school curriculum. The Teanuts were ignored in 2011 and they won’t be given the time of day now, especially since they’ve disbanded.
Dear Republicans: Get a new schtick. President Obama is a far-left socialist? You say that every election about every Democrat. John Kerry was “to the left of Ted.” Al Gore’s endorsement by the Human Rights Campaign and NARAL made him a far-left “extremist.” Bill Clinton was a “stealth Communist.” Please. Recycling is for beer cans and newspapers, not political campaigns.
Dear Media: Enough with the saber-rattling over Iran. Every presidential election Iran is suddenly this close to building a nuclear bomb and, OMG, everybody panic! I’m starting to think you’re full of shit. Remember John McCain singing “Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran” during the 2008 campaign? If that doesn’t tell you this is all bad political theater, I don’t know what will. How about Halliburton doing business in Iran?
Dear Religious People: Just zip it already. I’m sick to death of you people. Nothing is less appealing than a bunch of people screaming about what God hates: fags, birth control, liberals, the other sports team, etc. etc. No one wants to be in your stupid little club. There is a reason you lost the culture wars 30 years ago, and going back to fight those same battles you already lost just reinforces the viewpoint that the church is out of touch and irrelevant.
Dear Corporate America: Please stop asking me to take your stupid “customer satisfaction survey” every time I have a dealing with you. My time is precious and you’re already eating up enough of it as it is, what with your barrage of advertising, stealth marketing and cyberstalking. If I buy goods or services from you, I want that to be the end of it; if I have a problem with the transaction, trust me: I’ll let you know.
Speaking of stalkers, Dear Great Courses Company: Please DIAF. I bought one lecture from you three years ago and I now get a catalog a week and direct mail pieces saying you “want me back.” Jesus Christ on a saltine, if I wanted another lecture I’d fucking buy it already. This isn’t sales, it’s harassment. I might have bought another lecture from you but based on your past behavior I’m afraid to encourage you. Next thing I know you’ll show up in my driveway demanding to move in. Take the fucking hint already.
Dear Hollywood: Please make movies for grown-ups. If you want to know why 2011 box office revenue was down it’s because the movies sucked. Not everything needs to be in 3-D or feature a superhero. Find some original stories. Rediscover the concept of “imagination.”
Dear Bloggers: If you aren’t checking your own damn blogroll at least once a month, you’re doing it wrong. I’m sick of following dead links all the time, especially from “establishment bloggers” who really should know better. If you can’t even be bothered to keep your own main page clean of dead links and long-shuttered blogs, then I’m going to guess you can’t be bothered to check a bunch of other facts, too.
That is all.