Lost In Spaces

Oh, hello. Can someone tell me what day it is? You see, I’ve been underground for so long, I seem to have lost all track of time.

Seriously, TriStar could not have built a more sprawling, confusing, pathetically-lacking-in-wayfinding medical complex than its Nashville headquarters, Centennial. I got hopelessly lost on my way to my annual “X-ray the titties” ordeal and then afterwards toured the poorly-lit parking garage for a full 40 minutes trying to find my car. I was finally rescued by a valet. I’d probably still be down there if I hadn’t run into him. And it wasn’t just me! There were two other women down there trying vainly to find their cars, as well.

I mean, there’s an entire army of lost souls down there, wandering around like they’re searching for Charon to ferry them across the river Styx. Metro Police could probably solve all sorts of missing persons cases if they took a quick trip down there. I’m serious! This was truly the fifth circle of hell. WTF, people?

You want some insult added to that injury? How about this: somewhere along my journey I stumbled across a marble wall with that insufferable Frist family quote, “Good people beget good people,” emblazoned in ginormous silver letters. Savvy liberals will remember this as the title of the family genealogy Bill Frist penned. It got repeatedly hijacked in the Amazon “reviews” section by people offended at the quote’s pomposity, and the fact that then-Senate Majority Leader Frist was making an ass of himself by video-diagnosing Terri Schiavo and helping lead Americans into Iraq. (By the way, the faux reviews are still there.)

“Good people beget good people”? Really? How about, good people know how to design a fucking medical complex so that good people don’t lose two hours of their lives just trying to get to and from their damn appointments. Fuck you, Bill Frist.

I’ve been to a lot of medical complexes in my life, from coast to coast, and have never seen anything as poorly designed as this one.

Major fail.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Lost In Spaces

  1. Sorry for your suffering but I’m laughing my ass off.

  2. Phantom 309

    Two words: bread crumbs.

  3. Don’t hate me, but instead of feeling sorry getting lost at the carpark, I’m laughing here. I can just imagine you looking lost and bewildered, scratchng your head, and cursing to high heavens.

  4. When the brave legislators of TN are forced at notgunzpoint to adopt Obamacare, then you can bet your sweet bippy that the ONLY signage you’ll find will lead you to the DEATHPANELS!!

    I go to the VA in Syracuse. There are thousands of people in and out of that place every day. If you stand still, looking around for more than about 30 seconds, somebody (employee, patient or visitor who knows the place) will ask you where you need to be and direct you to the appropriate place or, time permitting, even escort you there. If you’re having difficulty walking they’ll find a volunteer with a wheelchair in short order. Goddamn gummint can’t do nothin’ right.

  5. Tom Dunlap

    My experience of hospitals is that they are cluges, constantly being added onto willy-nilly. New stuff added on to old stuff that eventually turn into rats nests of halls, tunnels, wings and whatever. The two in Chattanooga are prime examples.