Category Archives: rants

There Is No Santa Claus, Idiots

Jesus effin’ Christmas Tree. This explains what’s wrong with your modern conservative, in a nutshell. Arguments over whether Santa Claus was white, black, orange or green are completely ridiculous when you dial back a bit and remember one crucial thing: Santa isn’t real!

You know, I’d love to use this nonsense to point out all of the other fictitious things conservatives believe in: the free hand of the market, trickle down economics, tax cuts create jobs, Obamacare death panels, Conservative Jesus, etc. Seems like I’ve had to remind conservatives about the difference between fiction and reality before, back when they were pretending Jack Bauer was a real person and torture was the best defense against terrorism. But that’s not what’s going on here.

That conservatives are divorced from reality when it serves them is not news; that they will go to the mat in defense of Santa’s “whiteness” speaks to something deeper. This is about race and identity and the pathetic need to hang onto the idea of white superiority. It wouldn’t matter what race a mythic figure like Santa Claus is if conservatives like Bill O’Reilly didn’t feel so insecure about their cultural position in the first place. It’s another manifestation of the conservative inferiority complex, broadcast on Fox News for all the world to see.

There is nothing more ridiculous than a privileged old white guy arguing that no, black people cannot have Santa Claus. He’s ours. Do you people even hear yourselves?

And they wonder why the rest of the world laughs at them.

21 Comments

Filed under Bill O'Reilly, racism, rants, Republican Party, War On Christmas

Today’s Rant: Do NOT Correct Me, TwAppGoogleSoftBook

[UPDATE]:

I finally figured out how to disable the universal autocorrect. You open System Preferences, go to Language & Text, click on the “Text” menu, and there’s a box which you can uncheck which says “Correct spelling automatically.”

Here ya go:

AutoCorrect pic

See, this is why I love Apple. No other product gives me that sense of satisfaction and well-being that comes from figuring out how to make it stop annoying the hell out of me.

You are hereby absolved from reading the rest of this post. All is well.

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I do not update my technology very often, not because I’m a Luddite, but because I find every new incarnation of a device or app I use contains some horrible new “improvement” which invades my privacy or does something I don’t want or no longer functions as it once did. But as you all know, last week my creaky old MacBook went kaput and I had to buy a new one.

This one is about three generations more advanced than my old one. Instead of being gently lulled into that Brave New World with successive OS tweaks and software fixes, I’ve had to leap headlong into the modern era, and it’s like jumping into a pool of cold water. This laptop has a click pad which inexplicably makes things bigger if I rest my hand on it the wrong way. Also, as I’ve mentioned, WordPress no longer gives me a scroll bar to select “categories” and “tags.” That’s not so bad for tags, since you can just type them in, but for categories you really need to be able to scroll down the list. Inexplicably, the scroll bar appeared maybe twice? I don’t know what made that happen, but regardless, I can’t seem to repeat that scenario. Yes, FYWP.

But by far the worst “improvement” is the universal autocorrect, which I have yet to figure out how to disable. In the new Macs universal autocorrect will correct your typos as you type, regardless of what application you are in. Whether I’m on WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, Pages, Scrivener, mail, or commenting on someone’s blog, my Mac will autocorrect me as I type along.

While this may sound like a good thing on paper, in reality it is the most evil fucking thing ever invented. I type really fast and I do make mistakes but I also 99.99% of the time correct them, because under the old system a typo was very obvious. Now my Mac corrects me as I go along, based on what it thinks I meant to say, and the misspelled word is no longer underlined so I haven’t even realized I’ve made a typo. Sadly, more often than not it picks the wrong fucking word. So, for example, last night I sent an email to someone and used the word “reply” but universal autocorrect changed it to “replay,” something I only noticed when my correspondent replied back to me. I look like an idiot.

Even worse, I use a lot of different language in my writing, neologisms and expressions like “whaaaaa!” or maybe even a French or Spanish word or two. When I’m writing fiction I write dialogue, and that means things like “Whi-” (stage direction: interruption). And no, MacBook, that was not meant to be “whig.” Thanks for caring, though.

People, I would much rather have an obvious typo in my copy than the wrong fucking word. Dear God but this is awful. I now look like an illiterate asshole, not an asshole who can’t type.

The absolute last thing anyone wants is their computer telling them what it thinks they meant to say. Make it stop. Please.

19 Comments

Filed under rants, technology

Anger Issues

This video clip has already gone viral so you’ve probably seen it, but in case you missed it: I bring you the face of our modern, pro-gun conservative movement. Filled with inchoate rage at their cultural irrelevance, unleashing a testosterone-fueled fury with firearms because we all know that’s what the need for this firepower is really all about: not to protect home and hearth or even to bring down a deer, but to release the stress that comes from constantly having that amygdala tweaked by those who profit handsomely from the chaos they create (Rush, I’m looking at you, buddy).

This is not your typical “responsible gun owner,” of which I know many. Those people are not the ones who see tyranny in gun background checks. This is the face of the gun lobby. This is the “real America” of Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and Ted Nugent. The only thing scarier than seeing some rage-fueled gun loon get his rocks off firing an array of weapons is the knowledge that he’s the chief of police in some pissant Pennsyltucky town.

All of that firepower and all of that authority still cannot stem the rage of his cultural powerlessness.

Dude, take a pill. You’ve obviously got some serious problems, and “libtards” are not among them. You’re not a Second Amendment hero. You’re what the rest of America recoils in horror at.

Get some help.

7 Comments

Filed under gun control, gun violence, rants

What The Hell Is Wrong With Stacey Campfield

[UPDATE]:

Check out this hilarious exchange wherein Campfield (or someone posting as him) defends his “out the gay kids” part of his legislation.

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Fresh off his “suffer the little children” legislation, State Senator Stacey Campfield, R-Sociopath, has brought back his “Don’t Say Gay” legislation for the third time, this time with an extra helping of hate:

The bill, SB 234, still bars Tennessee teachers from discussing any facet of “non-heterosexual” sexuality with children in grades K-8. But the newest iteration also includes a provision requiring teachers or counselors to inform the parents of some students who identify themselves as LGBT.

What could possibly go wrong! Gee, I think if a kid felt safe talking to their parents about issues of sexual orientation, they wouldn’t be bringing it up with a school counselor in the first place, now would they? Dumbass.

Look, three things need to be said about Stacey Campfield:

1- What the hell is wrong with you, son? Did you not get enough titty when you were a baby? Were you born without a compassion gene? Are your shoes too tight?

2- The culture wars are over. Republicans lost. Give it up.

3- Finally, rumors about Campfield’s own orientation have been rampant for years. If they’re true, then dangit I sure wish someone would please just out Stacey Campfield already.

You know what? I’m only half joking here. Good grief, but I’ve never seen a straight man so obsessed with all things gay who didn’t eventually end up on the wrong end of a rentboy scandal. Certainly not these guys. There has to be a reason Campfield is focused like a laser on all things gay, and self-hate seems as good a reason as any.

Campfield’s hate is damaging GLBT kids. And no, teen suicide is not “a lark.” Just ask the family of Jadin Bell. If Campfield thinks it’s perfectly fine for the state to mandate outing gay or possibly gay or maybe not even gay but confused kids to their parents — to leave these kids with nowhere safe to go to talk about what’s happening in their lives — then I hope someone returns the favor.

Also, thank you very much New York. Campfield is yours, he’s from Binghamton and didn’t move to Tennessee until he was 25 years old. I’m tired of Tennessee getting blamed for his fuckery; we’ve got plenty of our own home-grown bigotry, please don’t saddle us with the blame for this asshat. I spent a summer in that part of the world and let me tell you, there are as many rednecks in upstate New York and Pennsylvania as in Tennessee.

And finally, hope you’re enjoying your Republican super-majority, Tennesseeans. This is what you get when you vote Republican: a bunch of bullshit about gays, and constitutional amendments banning stuff we’ve already banned three times before, because Tennessee Republicans are too lazy to vote unless the General Assembly uses the ol’ carrot-and-stick approach. So much for the important stuff.

11 Comments

Filed under GLBT, rants, Tennessee politics

Just Shoot Me Now

God, fucking liberals, you annoy the hell out of me. As you may have heard, a “reporter” with Tucker Carlson’s right-wing rag The Daily Caller heckled President Obama in the Rose Garden today. The response has been about what you’d expect, with the wingnuts going full-frontal to embrace their new hero and the left … ah, well, let’s turn it over to Chris Hayes, shall we?

Yes, what would The Daily Caller say if a reporter with The Nation did this? Let’s ask The Nation’s Katrina vanden Heuvel what happened the last time one of her reporters acted like a jackass to the president of the United States. OH WAIT. That never happened!

What is the fucking point of musing about what the “liberal media” would do if a similar thing happened, when both sides do NOT pull this shit. God. You’re killing me here. Just fucking stop it already.

But Katie Couric did ask Sarah Palin what newspapers she read and you’d think she’d asked her to explain thermonuclear physics.

Jesus. Fucking liberals, what the hell is wrong with you people? This is why we can’t have nice things. You act like jackasses.

Neil Munro is just this year’s Jeff Gannon, and Daily Caller is just the latest incarnation of Talon News. That some in the media are defending this tells us everything we need to know about the death of modern journalism.

Just, stop.

————–

[UPDATE]:

Everyone seems to think Hayes was being sarcastic, but I don’t read sarcasm in his remark. But the point is, he wasn’t the only one. Here’s another:

9 Comments

Filed under Media, President Barack Obama, rants

When The U.S. Media Lost Its Collective Mind

[UPDATE]:

Connie Chung, serial offender.

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Glenn Greenwald has uncovered this 2002 interview which Connie Chung, then of CNN, did with tennis star/naturalized U.S. citizen Martina Navratilova.

It’s quite a thing to read, how our esteemed American “journalists” behaved in the aftermath of 9/11. It’s been 10 years and while I remember the U.S. media’s effective quashing of any voice that wasn’t full-bore flag-waving and Merka Fuck Yeah, reading this transcript brings it all back in stark relief:

NAVRATILOVA: Well, obviously, I’m not saying this is a communist system, but I think we’re having — after 9/11, there’s a big centralization of power. President Bush is having more and more power. John Ashcroft is having more and more power. Americans are losing their personal rights left and right. I mean, the ACLU is up in arms about all of the stuff that’s going on right now. . . .

CHUNG: Can I be honest with you? I can tell you that when I read this, I have to tell you that I thought it was un-American, unpatriotic. I wanted to say, go back to Czechoslovakia. You know, if you don’t like it here, this a country that gave you so much, gave you the freedom to do what you want.

NAVRATILOVA: And I’m giving it back. This is why I speak out. When I see something that I don’t like, I’m going to speak out because you can do that here. And again, I feel there are too many things happening that are taking our rights away.

CHUNG: But you know what? I think it is, OK, if you believe that, you know, then go ahead and think that at home. But why do you have to spill it out? You know, why do you have to talk about it as a celebrity so that people will write it down and talk about what you said?

NAVRATILOVA: I think athletes have a duty to speak out when there is something that’s not right, when they feel that perhaps social issues are not being paid attention to. As a woman, as a lesbian, as a woman athlete, there is a whole bunch of barriers that I’ve had to jump over, and we shouldn’t have to be jumping over them any more.

CHUNG: Got you. But sometimes, when you hear celebrities saying something, do you ever say to yourself, I don’t care what so and so thinks, you know. Yes, go ahead and say whatever you want to say. But you’re not a politician. You’re not in a position of government power or whatever.

NAVRATILOVA: No. And I just might do that. I may run for office one of these days and really do make a difference. But…

CHUNG: Are you kidding me?

NAVRATILOVA: No, I’m not. One of these days, hopefully. But when you say go back to Czech Republic, why are you sending me back there? I live here. I love this country. I’ve lived here 27 years. I’ve paid taxes here for 27 years. Do I not have a right to speak out? Why is that unpatriotic?

CHUNG: Well, you know the old line, love it or leave it.

Wow. Hey Connie Chung, why not tell Martina Navratilova to just keep her Commie yap shut and be done with it? What an astonishing breach of journalistic ethics. I’m sure Chung would just say she was playing Devil’s advocate.

Even more astonishing: do you even remember this interview? I don’t. Did all of this just happen and there was no push-back?

This was CNN. Not Fox News, not Glenn Beck TV, not Breitbart’s Big TV or whatever they call it. And people wonder how this nation got dragged into the war in Iraq? People wonder how the Dixie Chicks got destroyed? When this was how the “real” “journalists” behaved?

But, ya know, ask Sarah Palin what magazines she reads and that’s a “gotcha” question. Riiight.

You know what else? We on the left have always said the media bears a huge amount of responsibility for pulling us into an unjust war, and this is a perfect example of what we’re talking about. Few in the media have acknowledged it.

It wasn’t just Connie Chung on CNN, it was every fucking day, an endless stream of “shut up you dirty hippie WHY DON’T YOU LOVE AMERICA!” from our esteemed members of the press. It went on for months — years. The nation is still waiting for its apology too, I might add.

I’m glad Glenn Greenwald dug this bit up because even though I remembered it was bad, I’d forgotten exactly how bad.

28 Comments

Filed under Media, memory hole, rants

Dear Log Cabin Republicans: STFU

Oh fer fuck’s sake. Someone needs to explain to me why the Log Cabin Republicans even exist. Within minutes of President Obama telling an interviewer that ..

“…for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married…”

… the Log Cabin Republicans responded thusly:

“That the president has chosen today, when LGBT Americans are mourning the passage of Amendment One, to finally speak up for marriage equality is offensive and callous,” said R. Clarke Cooper, Log Cabin Republicans Executive Director. “Log Cabin Republicans appreciate that President Obama has finally come in line with leaders like Vice President Dick Cheney on this issue, but LGBT Americans are right to be angry that this calculated announcement comes too late to be of any use to the people of North Carolina, or any of the other states that have addressed this issue on his watch. This administration has manipulated LGBT families for political gain as much as anybody, and after his campaign’s ridiculous contortions to deny support for marriage equality this week he does not deserve praise for an announcement that comes a day late and a dollar short.”

Oh really? And which party has brought shit like Amendment One into existence? Would it be the Republican Party? Why yes it would. Here’s an idea: stop supporting Republicans who hate you! Idiots.

Here’s another idea: stop blaming the Democratic president for shit that’s more your fault than his.

And here’s a final thought: maybe you should rethink your reason for existence. Really. I don’t get you people, in the same way I didn’t get the black Confederate dude marching through Dixie a few years ago.

Seems like if your interest is free market lollipops and a muscular national defense, you’d have a better chance of achieving those goals with the party that lets you have a seat at the table, not the party who tells the presidential candidate’s gay spokesman to “shut up” in a media conference call before he’s sent packing. Just sayin’ guys.

And you dare reference “leaders” like former Vice President Dick Cheney? How many public statements supporting marriage equality did he make in his eight years as vice president? That would be zip. Nope, he never showed any “leadership” in support of his gay daughter’s civil rights, but whoo boy the Cheneys sure called for the fainting couches when John Kerry mentioned Mary’s orientation at a debate. Then it was all, “how dare you!” What a hideous bag of hypocrisy.

I mean, seriously. If you want all of those bipartisan unicorns and a “divided government” where right and left are forced to come together to hash out a happy compromise, well by all means, ignore the Republicans. They’ve established their position, and it ain’t budging a whit. The Republicans wear cement shoes with soles of super glue. If you want give and take, compromise, I’ll-accept-some-of-what-you–want-if-you-accept-some-of-what-I-want, then what you want is to ditch the Republicans. Because the Democrats have a big tent and they’re undisciplined and loyalty is not synonymous with a life sentence for them. Progressives have been thrown under the bus so many times we have tire tracks permanently tattooed on our asses.

But no. The Log Cabin Republicans care more about the “Republican” part than the Log Cabin part. They are either completely divorced from reality, believing they can somehow change the ossified GOP, or else they really don’t give a shit about gay issues.

You will never, ever change the Republican Party, folks. This is the party still fighting birth control, fer crissakes. You think they’re going to welcome you with open arms?

Please.

And this is somehow Obama’s fault? Get a clue, folks.

12 Comments

Filed under gay equality, gay Republicans, GLBT, President Barack Obama, rants