As our legislative session limps to a close, let’s look at what our elected representatives decided we can’t have:
• Flash Mobs — Because the U.S. Chamber of Commerce gets a little twitchy when large groups of people show up in front of a retail establishment. Pretty sure this is a free speech issue but hey, I’m not a lawyer. Bite me, U.S. Chamber. We didn’t vote for you.
• Risky behavior when you’re pregnant – - Or as I call it, the “Vessels Law.” This bill would make it a criminal act for women to use illegal drugs while pregnant, but a provision could make it illegal to even drive recklessly. What this bill will really do is keep women who are substance abusers from getting treatment. Another shot fired in the war on women by a bunch of men who have no fucking clue what challenges women face on a daily basis. Slow clap for the pro-life crowd. You just ensured more women and babies will die, more women will seek out illegal abortions, and more pain and suffering will go around. You guys are really good at this.
• U.N. Election Monitors — I’m trying to think of the last time I saw a U.N. election monitor at a polling place in Nashville. That would be never. Still! This one is courtesy of the Black Helicopter crowd, aka, John Birch Society.
• Bans on bans on Christmas — This one came from the usual source, State Sen. Stacey Campfield, and had a House counterpart, and last I heard it was awaiting the Governor’s signature. Basically this was a solution in search of a problem, though Campfield claims he heard that “some groups” have “threatened” to sue over holiday displays at schools. Right. And I’ve heard you’ve got monkeys up your ass.
• An apology for slavery – - Okay, this wasn’t a ban, but it was ridiculous. The House voted to express “profound regret” for slavery and discrimination, after removing the original language which was “profound apologies.” Cause we regret it but we’re not sorry, you guys. That would be wrong.
It wasn’t all bad. We kept our ban on guns-in-parks and open-carry (for now!) and a bill allowing sales of high gravity beer in grocery stores passed. Which you will need to guzzle today when the House takes up a bill criminalizing union organizing activity.