>Jesus Save Me From These Morons

>Another wingnut tries to claim Jesus was a conservative, in fact, “The Perfect Conservative.”

How does he know this? Because:

He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps. And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

For three years He was unemployed, and never collected an unemployment check. Nevertheless, he completed all the work He needed to get done. He didn’t travel by private jet. He walked and sailed, and sometimes traveled on a donkey.

It goes on in this vein. I’ll spare you.

So, the moral of this story? You, too, can succeed in life without the government … if you are the Messiah! The rest of us who are not the Messiah might need some government services at some point. Now fuck off.

This is almost as great as the news that Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips wishes to disband the Methodist Church (apparently the denomination’s support of the DREAM Act put him over the edge. Not that it wasn’t a short trip). Glenn Beck has been famously at war against social justice pastors for years. And there’s the hilarious Conservative Bible Project.

Hmm .. as I’ve said, oh, only a hundred thousand times already … but it seems quite a few conservatives have noticed their politics is at odds with their religion … and concluded that it’s their religion which is wrong.

Typical.

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Filed under Christianity, conservatives, religion

9 responses to “>Jesus Save Me From These Morons

  1. >In the words of the late, great George Carlin: "We humanoids, we gotta have a meeting. With took the God thing, and ran it of the God damn end of the earth." Jesus Jumping Christ on a Pogo Stick! That is all.

  2. >The award for most over the top branding effort of 2010 goes to….

  3. >"Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus." – John FugelsangBut seriously, their premise is that Jesus was a conservative because he did a bunch of incredibly liberal things only using supernatural powers instead of the government??

  4. >Conservatives conveniently forget the "render unto Caesar," "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven," and "love thy neighbor" bits of the Bible.

  5. >In the 13th century the big thing was crucifixes with Jesus with a big purse on them to show that he didn't die poor. Some things never change.

  6. >The 3rd best part of the article is where the Red State fool noted Jesus wasn't given his Miranda rights. I guess conservatives are now pro-Miranda!!!!The 2nd best part was where the fool says Jesus was condemned by a liberal court; I guess liberals are not only pro-death-penalty, but in favor of government enforcement of anti-blasphemy laws LOL!!But the best part of all is that the article does not quote Jesus at all. It's not as if Jesus didn't have a LOT to say:"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. (Matthew 19:21) "Sell your possessions and give that money to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys" (Luke 12:33) And too long to print here — Matthew 25:31-46

  7. >rewinn:"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

  8. >And the latest wrinkle on the "eye of the needle" story (from the "prosperity for everbody but the sortabrowns" school of biblical interprevisionism) is that "camel" was a much heavier thread and thus was difficult to thread through the eye of a needle–NOT IMPOSSIBLE–so the rich folks have to give to charities or, better yet, to aspiring KKKristian politicos so's they can put an end to the UnJESUSY giving away of monies to the lazy bums what are getting it!