You Thought Birthers Were Bad?

Meet the latest conspiracy theory to make its way around the right-wing nutosphere: you know those Tucson shootings that killed six people and seriously wounded Rep. Gabriel Giffords back in January? Yeah, they were all an evul librul hoax!

I guess that Federal judge and 8-year-old girl and the rest didn’t really die, they just decided to live on the island of Palau for the rest of their lives. Or something.

Even worse: some of these nutters are actually harassing survivors and first responders to prove their crackpot delusions are real:

FBI spokesman Manuel Johnson said the bureau was aware of the site, but he declined to say whether an investigation was under way. One shooting victim said he recently notified the FBI after two men claiming to be investigators showed up at his home and said they were trying to determine whether the shooting was a hoax.

“They tried to get into my home,” said the victim, who asked that he not be identified because it might attract more such visitors. “They wanted to know if I had any pictures. They said they didn’t believe the event took place.”

When the visitors were pressed for identification, the victim said, one presented a business card that listed the Texas conspiracy site, which describes the shooting as an exercise conducted by the Department of Homeland Security. Others connected to the case, including hospital personnel, relatives of victims and possible trial witnesses, have either received similar visits or seen their images on the group’s website, officials said.

The site, which solicits donations from visitors to help with its “investigation,” shows pictures of people who appeared on television after the shooting — including the suspect, Jared Loughner — and claims they resemble photographs of Tucson-area actors.

And, oh my God. The article says the hoax theory is being peddled by one Ed Chiarini. A quickie Google search dug up this bio; he’s a self-described “Constitutionalist” and yes, there is of course the de rigeur Tennessee connection: the guy is from Millington.

Apparently Chiarini is quite the conspiracy buff, having waded knee-deep into a bunch of Kennedy assassination crap. Also, according to his bio, he’s really into the free energy stuff and, as also seems typical with the tinfoil-hat crowd, is spelling-challenged.

Get some help, Ed. Start with a good therapist, maybe some medication. Give yourself a break from the internet. Something. You’re delusional.

Here’s what I don’t get about conspiracy theorists. The same people who don’t think the government is capable enough to, say, run an efficient healthcare system, educate our kids, or regulate banks, do think the government can pull off an elaborate, complex hoax involving a lot of planning, foresight, and coverups.

That just makes no sense.

I simply don’t think our government is efficient enough to pull off a 9/11 or fake the moon landing or fake a Tuscon shooting. That said, it doesn’t mean I think our government can perfectly run healthcare either, but I think they’d do a better job than the abject failure that is the private, for-profit system we have now. And if they fuck it up, we can vote them out of office and everything is open to public oversight. Versus a private system over which we have zero control.



Filed under conspiracies, conspiracy theory

13 responses to “You Thought Birthers Were Bad?

  1. Stacy

    “Mr. Chiarini, was born at a very young age, in Millington, Tennessee”.

    Seriously? He was born at a very young age, as opposed to say, at a very old age? I didn’t have to read past that second line of his bio to know the man was an idiot.

    I am so glad some other state besides Texas has an abundance of whack-a-doodle right-wing nutjobs. Makes me feel a little less alone.

  2. LOL.

    Perhaps he fancies himself an auteur.

  3. Im glad to see you understand sometimes a smile is worth more than your thoughts.

    Address the content and maybe Ill stick around.

    • abe

      Your content is crap, too, Ed.
      A real emergency plan document, apparently, which is COMPLETELY irrelevant to the Tucson shooting? Basically you’re saying that this true emergency plan, ExPlan, which was created to HELP people in the event of an EMERGENCY, is evidence that multiple government agencies now want to murder and deceive the public?
      If you’re grammar and spelling wasn’t so poor I’d say you should write fiction.

  4. Perhaps we start a counter conspiracy theory that posits the “Real Second Amendment” reads, “In order to promote a well regulated militia, all firearms shall be duly registered.”

  5. IUJazzDad

    This is just unbelievable. But no-one could make this shit up. Your diagnosis of Mr. Chiarini is spot on, but I think their general deep distrust of government is bordering on paranoid schizophrenic behavior. In any case, the medication recommendation was just perfect. These people are not part of the mysterious and fact-based universe.

  6. Oh, dear, Mr. Chinsoquivery looks like he’s either gonna open up a #10 Can-O-Whupass or cry, whichever he thinks will get him more hits.

    Ed, buddy, what you need to think about is this. If them EEEEEEEvil jackbooted limpwristers at the Federal Bureau of Inoculation (yeah, the ” Anti-vaxxers” thing is NOT a hoax, too, also!!) are clever enough to fool millions of people including a shitload of eyewitnesses then what chance does a TRUE MerKKKin (TM), a genuine SKKKrotalPatriotiKKKhick like yourself got, anyway? They’re comin’ for ya, Ed, best load up on the Dew and the Cheetos.

  7. In other news, Gabrielle Giffords has been nominated for a People’s Choice Award, for best acting in a Govt controlled mass murder.

    Beale, when you moved, I forgot to tell my RSS feeder. The horror!

  8. If Tucson, the kid, the judge, Gaby all really happened, then the wingnuts can’t justify kidding around about assassinating the president, an intolerable situation. Their little minds become overwhelmed. Their brains must devise a scheme to protect themselves.

  9. PurpleGirl

    These wingnuts are such incredible soulless creatures. I know they are not human; don’t know what they are, but they ARE NOT HUMAN.

  10. Min

    I’ve been to Millington. If it weren’t for conspiracy theories and cleaning up after the flood there wouldn’t be anything to do.

  11. I think you’d be surprised at just how far Mr. Chiarini believes this hoax goes, and how many other incidents in the news he thinks were similarly faked. I hadn’t come across your post when I blogged about this recently:

    (“Rene Sance” is my screen name. I’m a writer and editor at Wordsmoker.)

    I found your observation about the government’s ability to carry out a complex conspiracy to be very astute. I may quote you in a future edition of “Conspiracy Corner!”