I Hate Halloween

Halloween is, without a doubt, my least favorite holiday.

It’s not even a holiday, it’s a faux holiday. A Fauxliday.

It’s nothing more than a chance for Wal-Mart and Target to sell more cheap Chinese-made crap that no one needs, and a chance for Big Sugar to rake in big profits on cheap sweets none of us need. As usual, some Christians have responded in a predictably hilarious fashion, while others see it as a chance to engage in a little advertising for Jesus. Conservatives, bless their little hearts, see it as yet another chance to blame liberals and political correctness for why everything sucks right now, while liberals want to play costume police.

Basically, Halloween is the one holiday where people feel justified in behaving like assholes. Take, for example, the employees of New York foreclosure mill Steven J. Baum, who last year mocked the homeless and those they’d foreclosed on — in short, the sort of people finding themselves on the streets thanks to companies like Steven J. Baum. Ouch.

Or, you know, the teachable moment spawned by this cultural sensitivity campaign, “We’re A Culture, Not A Costume.” I have no problem with students reminding everyone that stereotypes do not represent a culture but you just know Rush “Ching Chong” Limbaugh is going to mock this campaign — he never overlooks an opportunity to be offensive to boost his ratings — and I’m going to have to agree that he has a point.

Truth is, stuff like this resonates because yeah, it even annoys me when people are so hypersensitive. You know, it’s all about context, people. Is dressing up as a belly dancer or member of a Mariachi band really that offensive in this multicultural nation of ours? I can see why costumes that reinforce negative stereotypes are a no-no — leave the blackface or suicide bomber costumes at home, people, I mean really — but let’s remember, America is a multicultural place. Throughout our history we’ve co-opted pretty much every cultural symbol immigrants have brought to our shores, it’s just how we do it. It’s why pizza and tacos and egg rolls are staples of American cuisine and you can belly dance for exercise no matter what your ethnicity. It’s our way of paying tribute to the pluribus who make up our unum. This is how multiculturalism is expressed in this country: we take what may at one time have been symbols identifying a cultural group, and make them belong to all of us. So lighten up, it means you belong.

Anyway, this is all just another chance for people to get stabby with each other. I really hate it.

Don’t come knocking on my door tonight; I won’t answer.


What was that I said about Halloween giving people license to be assholes?

The Republican Party of Virginia is strongly condemning an e-mail sent by Loudoun County’s GOP committee that shows President Obama as a zombie with part of his skull missing and a bullet through his head.


The e-mail, first reported on the blog Too Conservative, has “Halloween 2011” in the subject lines and has several other images, including one of House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, whose face has been made to look deformed with one eye bulging out of its socket.

You know, every Halloween some Republican Party official does or says something offensive. It was only a matter of time.


Filed under Holidays

25 responses to “I Hate Halloween

  1. crackerjackheart

    I’ve been told twice today that I don’t look festive. Uh, I work in an engineering firm, not a bar. As an adult, it’s a just on opportunity to lock the door and read a book. Though I resent my choice to go to happy hour being taken away because I can’t stand to see so many people acting stupid when I want a quiet drink. You kids get off my lawn.

  2. Randy

    I fear you may have just lost the Druid demographic SB.

  3. John Weiss

    All Hallows Eve. Ancient celebration, celebrated by (probably) your ancestors and certainly mine. Predates Christianity by a long shot and it’s one of the few old holidays that the Christians (Catholics) didn’t manage to preempt.

    • …it’s one of the few old holidays that the Christians (Catholics) didn’t manage to preempt.

      Well they tried, with that All Saints Day stuff, it just never stuck.
      But our consumer culture has certainly obliterated any pagan meaning to the holiday (just as it’s obliterated the Christian meaning behind Christmas). Now it’s just give me candy and let’s dress up and show old horror movies on the TeeVee.

      • John Weiss

        Awww, Beale, think of it as a harvest festival!

        I enjoyed it for years, passing out candy the the kiddies and seeing if I could make ’em pee their pants! Also: my youngest son was most likely conceived one Hallowe’en. That’s sorta special, don’t you think?

  4. sorry, you are totally wrong on this one. halloween is the best holiday of the year. it’s great because there is no sanctimonious “true meaning” that everyone can berate you with. halloween is just about dressing up and eating candy. that’s it. there’s nothing deeper than that.

    and sure, assholes will use it as an excuse to be assholes. but that doesn’t mean they are not acting like assholes the other 364.25 days of the year. the holiday has nothing to do with the asshole quotient of this country. it’s just that when they are assholes on halloween the story is “look at what these assholes did for halloween”. when they are assholes the rest of the year the story is “look at these assholes”. net asshole is pretty constant.

  5. i rather like the chance to foment fearful things, but then again i do that all the time anyway. the best thing for me about this ‘holiday’ is all the old horror movies get replayed (of course a lot of bad new ones get trotted out too, but i like the old ones best.) i did read where the sugar companies earn billions this month, enough to prop up their whole year. and that’s ’cause they convinced folks that giving away apples or home-made treats means you are a serial killer.

  6. Jim

    “Don’t come knocking on my door tonight; I won’t answer.”

    Hope you have a good method for removing eggs from your windows and.or toilet paper from your trees…

  7. I have a hunch we won’t be seeing Quasimodo at SoBe’s place this year.

  8. Min

    I’m wearing a purple hoodie with 8 black tentacles attached to the bottom and carrying a sign that reads, “We are the 99%”. What am I, you ask? I’m Octopi Wall Street.

    I love Halloween. [:-)I

  9. Halloween does too have a true meaning !

  10. Kaleberg

    Don’t be so hard on Halloween. Assholes will be assholes any time of the year. Look at all the Christmas layoffs and the pyromaniacs celebrating Independence Day. Around here we get lots of kids with great costumes. Harry Potter characters – especially Ron and Hermione – are big this year. We’ve had pirates and princesses, Chucky, werewolves, cats and robots and even the little girl we’re tutoring in decimals. Hang on, there’s another monster at the door…

  11. ThresherK

    SoBe, you got your wish! Here in Connecticut, they’ve pretty much cancelled Halloween owing to the 80 trees or branches per acre which have fallen over powerlines and roadways.

    My cat is giving me this look which I can only interpret as “Hey, I was a stray for eight months. I thought I signed on for heat!

    On the positive side: Nothing has fallen on the house or my car, which I conveniently moved from its regular space. And we’ll have soooo much firewood in one year.

    • Yikes, hope you guys can stay warm until the power is restored!

      • ThresherK

        The difference between the refrigerator and the indoors is approaching 5 degrees F (46 and 51).

        A down comforter and a “medium weight” sleeping bag are doing us fine. Other strategies are staying at work for a few extra hours a day, and realizing that the car is the warmest place available when one gets home.

        We’re lucky. There are people with greater health or transportation needs who have it much worse.

  12. This:

    “Mark Sell, chairman of the Loudoun County Republican Committee, issued a statement that said:

    “Loudoun County GOP chairman Mark Sell said in an email response to The Associated Press that the graphic was “a light-hearted attempt to inject satire humor into the Halloween holiday.”

    “Apparently, some individuals have interpreted an image of Barack Obama that appeared within the email as intending to portray the President as a victim of a violent crime,” Sell wrote. “Nothing could be further from the truth, and we deeply and sincerely apologize to the President and anyone who viewed the image if that was the impression that was left.”


    “Mark Sell works as an electronic communciations specialist for the NRA. He has been active with the Loudoun County Republican Party for nearly a decade, fighting for conservative values. He has served the committee in many capacities, including LCRC Treasurer, Convention and Mass Meeting Rules Committee Chairman, and District Chairman. He has volunteered for many Republican candidates, including serving as a Volunteer Coordinator for the victorious “Cuccinelli for Attorney General Campaign.” Mark has the grassroots experience we need for furthering the efforts of the Loudoun County Republican Committee to elect conservative candidates.”

    is from Mikeb302000’s blog post on the same subject.

    According to the WaPo’s article the image that was photoshopped to create the poster is one which it’s owner has already successfully sued an unlicensed user for
    altering. I hope they do so again and take the assholes to the cleaners.

  13. Pingback: E se eu disser que eu não gosto de Halloween? « Ex Corde