Why Americans Are Fat

America’s “obesity crisis” has many causes but dammit, people, this can’t help:

You Can’t Afford NOT To Buy Some!

I took this picture at the local Harris Teeter the other day, but it could easily have been taken at Kroger, Safeway, Ralph’s, or any other mega grocery chain. The never-ending “buy-one, get-one FREE” sale on potato chips has puzzled me for a long time: it’s not even accurate to call it a sale anymore, because they’re just always sold that way. And it’s been this way for years.

Ya know, I don’t ever see a buy-one, get-one deal on broccoli or spinach. Just sayin’, guys.

I really despise junk food, fast food, frankenfood, you name it but I do have a weakness for Lay’s sour cream & onion potato chips. I don’t always eat potato chips but when I do … you get the picture. And if I pick up a bag of these, the check-out clerk never fails to remind me, “Hey, they’re buy-one, get-one free!”

To which I respond: “But I only want one bag.”

At which point he or she looks at me like I just dropped in from the planet Xthazgarban and forgot to deploy my Humanoid Lifeform Image Shield.

Look: it’s great to tell people they need to have “personal responsibility” and make healthy food and lifestyle choices. It’s great to inform people about what’s in their food by posting nutritional information everywhere. It’s fine that people in Washington are talking about the impact farm policy has on what ends up on our store shelves. Great, but at the same time you’re doing all that good stuff, we’ve got another conversation happening in the grocery aisle which goes something like this:

“You want some potato chips? C’mon, you know you do. You really, really want some. Look how pretty and bright we are! Here, take two! The second one is free, it’s on us! For later. No, really, take it. You know you want to. Take it! TAKE THE DAMN POTATO CHIPS!

Yeah, that’s about how this goes. What does it say about America when the junk food companies are literally giving their product away? Look, I know it just kills you that consumers are educated enough to be turned off by ads like this one, but you can stop shoving your crap in my face now.

Oh, and Regal Cinemas? That goes for you, too. Stop making your employees ask if I want a slice of pizza when I order a bottle of water. If I wanted damn pizza I’d have asked for some.

Next They’ll Tell Us Cigarettes Are Good For You


Filed under corporations, food

8 responses to “Why Americans Are Fat

  1. PurpleGirl

    In my local Key Food, I hardly ever see Frito Lay snacks on sale. But Wise brand regularly has 2 for price of 1. I attribute that to the fact that Wise was bought by a hedge fund/private equity firm a few years ago and raised their prices quite a bit. Now at the 2 for 1 price they are roughly close to their former prices.

  2. Hooray for Upselling!!! (…no, not really.)


  3. My local Vons would rather sell you 1 1/2 pounds of beef, no choice in the matter, Five lovely chicken breasts for only a dollar apiece, thus supporting concentration farming, super value packs of beef ranging from 2 to 5 pounds, 4 or 5 twelve-packs of soda just to get a good price… They don’t really care if you end up throwing some of the food away. It’s profit maximization.

    And if there ever is produce on special price, either it’s the height of the summer glut, or more likely it’s moldy, pithy, wilted or otherwise unpalatable.

    Yeah no shit! Nobody who cares about their health wants to buy nine or ten ounces of potato chips, let alone be forced to buy two bags? It’s positively criminal. My advice is check your local liquor store. Nice three and one-half ounce size bag of Doritos. Perfect for two people.

    • My advice is check your local liquor store. Nice three and one-half ounce size bag of Doritos.

      Not in Tennessee, my friend! Not in Tennessee. Our liquor laws are so antiquated (and stacked in favor of liquor and wine distributors) that it is STILL illegal to sell any non-food item in a liquor store — that goes for Doritos and even a fucking corkscrew. So if you buy a bottle of wine in Tennessee, you have to go somewhwere else to get the implement that opens it.

      Not making this up.

      But yeah, I get your point.

  4. Southern Beale:

    I think that you mean it’s illegal to sell any non-liquor item in a liquor store.

    I talked to someone last night who told me that there was a new pizzeria right across the street from their function hall and RIGHT NEXT DOOR to a Pizza Hut. That is the third pizzateria that’s opened in the last month (with two or three more on line) in a city that already had about twenty of them. There’s also a local Walmart that is metaztisizing into a Super Walmart which will have, you guessed it, a pizzeria. There are few if any chains that have good pies and there were, withouth them opening the lates five or so, more than enough places to satisfy your craving for a decent slice.

    And then, of course, there’s the Subways, Dunkin’ Donuts, Friendly’s, Tim Horton, McDonalds, Wendy’s, BK, Ponderosa and Ruby Tuesdays.

    The best nachos, evah, in this town are a specialty at a place called the Pressbox. Pulled pork with coleslaw–I like it! And not a drizzle of the pork, there’s enough of it on there to make a sandwich.