Tennessee Gun Report

If there’s one thing this week’s rundown of gun loonery reveals is that what I’ve been saying all along is true: too many people in this state are too irresponsible with their firearms, either treating them like benign toys or using them in completely inappropriate situations. Simply put, people in this state don’t have the emotional maturity to handle firearms.

Sorry folks but it’s true. You keep saying you need your guns to protect yourself and your property. That doesn’t mean you pull a gun out every time someone says something mean to you or does a little thing you don’t like, such as playing loud music. See, if you can’t tell the difference between a situation calling for a gun (like, your life is in danger) and one that doesn’t (your neighbor tells you to stop putting grass clippings on his fence), then maybe you shouldn’t have them at all.

Seriously, I’m sick of this shit. And you so-called “responsible gun owners” (wherever you are) should be the first ones to scream and holler about this because these people are making you all look bad.

Here’s this week’s round-up:

• August 7, 2013:

A tale of two Ashleys led to a fun time in Smyrna yesterday:

The incident began when Jonathan Scott Ashley pointed a pistol at his girlfriend’s brother and his girlfriend, Arnold said.

Ashley’s girlfriend Ashley Joyce, attacked her brother and his girlfriend, Arnold said.

The second couple left, and Ashley and Joyce barricaded themselves in the house as police arrived in response to the alleged assaults, Arnold said.

Eventually police had to use tear gas to get the couple out. Just another responsible gun … aw, never mind.

• August 6, 2013:

A Nashville man who showed up at a local hospital with a gunshot wound to his hand says the wound was accidentally self-inflicted. No more details are currently available but authorities are thinking there may be more to this story.

• August 5, 2013:

Guns came into play in a road rage incident in Soddy Daisy involving an off-duty police officer:

Brett Twiner said he was home watching TV when “my wife called screaming get the dog and a gun. I walked outside to see a truck in my driveway that was not one I recognized and a man walking toward my house cussing my wife. I told him to halt. He stated he was a police officer.”

He said he ordered the officer “to get on the ground while I called the police. He refused and I fired a warning shot in the air and he got on the ground. While I was watching him two girls with him assaulted my wife. I then fired another warning shot and told them to get on the ground and the officer told them I did the right thing and told the girls to get on the ground. We waited for the police and it was over.”

Aaaand now let’s hear from the wife:

She said Officer Patterson “got out of the truck and accused me of bright lighting him. She said, “I told him I didn’t, but he kept arguing. Him and Brett started talking when the two girls got out. They started calling me names and I hit one in the face. Both then jumped me. Brett fired two warning shots and put them on the ground. I went to Charlie Hunt’s house and told him to call the cops. Brett kept them seated on the ground til the cops arrived.”

You hit one in the face because they were calling you names? Jesus, lady.

And the officer told her husband that he did the right thing? Firing warning shots into the air because after your wife assaulted a woman and got attacked in return? One question: any of y’all related to the Honey Boo Boo people?

And who goes to the gym at 3 am, anyway? And the husband was up watching TV? Don’t you people sleep?

This whole story sounds incredibly fishy.

• August 3, 2013:

1- From the Kingsport police blotter:

A patrol officer spotted a vehicle traveling 55 mph on River Road, 20 mph above the posted speed limit. When a stop was conducted open, alcohol containers were observed in the vehicle, while a passenger offered, “I’ve been drinking, and that’s not against the law.” When he was asked to step from the vehicle, a gun was found beneath the passenger’s seat, prompting his arrest for possession of a firearm while intoxicated. The driver performed poorly on field sobriety tests and was arrested for DUI, then became “very belligerent and angry” during transport to jail.

Guns, drinking and driving don’t mix, dude.

2- And from the same link as above:

A Lenoir Road man advised he was mowing his yard when a neighbor “started yelling.” When he turned his mower around to talk, the other individual complained about him “blowing grass on his fence” — and threatened to “fix the problem.” The confrontation quickly escalated, with the man who had been mowing — and initially called police — allegedly pulling a gun. He was arrested for aggravated assault and felony reckless endangerment, accused of pointing the weapon toward occupants of the neighboring yard.

Yeah, because a gun was totally the solution to this dispute.


• August 2, 2013:

1- 22-year-old wearing a Joker mask waved his gun around in a Murfreesboro road range incident.

I’d say the Joker mask was totally appropriate. Then again, I hear some people call him Maurice. (Steve Miller reference, for you young kids ….)

2- Hooray, three more firearms potentially enter the black market:

Guns and television sets were stolen during daylight hours Thursday from the home of a local school official.


He also discovered the theft of three firearms from a gun cabinet in one of the home’s bedrooms, including a 16-gauge Browning shotgun valued at $1,500; a 12-gauge Browning shotgun, $350; and a .30-30 caliber Winchester rifle, $400.

Doesn’t sound like the cabinet was locked.

• August 1, 2013:

1- An East Tennessee woman forgot the first rule of responsible gun ownership while removing a gun from a closet, and that is: the gun is always, always loaded. She accidentally shot herself in the leg:

KNOXVILLE — An East Knox County woman who accidentally shot herself in the leg with a handgun Thursday told authorities she thought it was unloaded because there was no ammunition clip.

She forgot to check for a round in the chamber, though.

Stupid people.

2- Suicide prevention, the wrong way:

KNOXVILLE — Police said a struggle over a weapon during a suicide is how two South Knoxville women were shot this week.

“She was trying to commit suicide and the other girl tried to stop her,” said Knoxville Police Department Capt. Nate Allen.

3- A Columbia attorney was sentenced to probation on reckless endangerment charges after she fired a pistol into the air near her ex-boyfriend’s house at the end of July:

As described in court documents, Durocher was angry with her former boyfriend, Courtney Armstrong, and fired shots from a .380 semi-automatic pistol into the air near his home on Warwick Avenue in a heavily populated area of Columbia. She then sent Armstrong a text message telling him she had fired the shots.

Durocher’s probation will be supervised for 90 days, and if she pays court costs by the end of that period, will continue unsupervised for the remainder of the two years.

Freedom, just as the Founders intended, etc.


Filed under gun control, Tennessee

14 responses to “Tennessee Gun Report

  1. What’s more, the incidents that you highlight here are only the ones you found and might only be a small portion of the actual number of stupidents involving teh gunz. Unless there’s a wound requiring treatment or a crime/incident investigated by the cops, this stuff doesn’t make it to the Top-O-The News.

    I have done some amazingly stupid shit in my one and only life. None of it was with gunz.

    Some people, many apparently, seem to think that they need a firearm to “even things up”.

    I was riding my piece-of-shit bike home, about 11:00 PM last evening (my piece-of-shit Ranger bein’ up on jackstands at the moment) and three young toughs walking on the other side of the street started making comments about my fashion sense (I was wearing an extremely tasteful tie-dyed T). If I’d a just had a gun they woulda made one comment and it would be their goddamned epitaph!

    Being a gunzloon means never having to say you’re feelings have been hurt.

    I wonder how long it will be before Oberdouchenozzle Kessler gets his spot on “FuckTheNew’sCorpse” as an urban terrarism and weppins Xpert.

  2. Jim in Memphis

    Way off topic, but I saw the pictures of flooding in the Nashville area – hope everything is ok for you.

    • Thanks, we’re good … some parts of the city got over 4″ of rain in 3 hours though.

      • Isn’t there some KKKreationist theme park not too far from you? I wonder if the flooding will float their ark onto some local Mount Ararat.

      • Nah that’s up in Kentucky.

      • GregH

        Every so often there is talk of an “Old South” theme park in Marshall or Maury County – south of Nashville and Franklin – so maybe the League of the South can finally have their place in the sun…with their gunz.

      • Jim in Memphis

        I talked with my parents yesterday and they said it was 7.5″ of rain in a little over 3 hours in Madison. Luckily the house is high on a hill. They had a little water in their basement, but nothing too bad. They did say that water lifted a small one story office building on Galatin Rd off its foundation and moved it ~80 feet! Some houses were flooded as well.

      • Yeah Madison got hit really hard. Glad your folks are OK.

  3. Southern Beale:

    What you said about people using gunz inappropriately, for some reason, put the scene from the Magnificent Seven (the original version of the ripoff of the “Seven Samurai” story) where James Coburn who is a stabby kinda guy is challenged to a quick-draw/quick throw contest by some gunsel whose fee-fees get hurt when Coburn bests him in a “demo”–and then gets dead when he pushes the issue:


    looks like the one time when Sean Connery’s admonition about not taking a knife to a gunfight is not borne out.

    And, as we know, duels between gunzloonz really DO happen, here:


    and here:


    and here:


    Hey, boyz will be boyz, expeshly when they gotz teh handcannons.

  4. And who goes to the gym at 3 am, anyway? And the husband was up watching TV? Don’t you people sleep?

    Meth is a hell of a drug.

  5. Jones

    The subject in the standoff in Smyrna, isn’t a legal gun owner, he’s a person with drug issues, and multiple arrests for a variety of offenses, he’s got a violent past, word is the gun was not his, (working on that one) unfortunately I used to know this piece of garbage.

  6. When people who are not “legal gun owners” kill or hurt other people with gunz they are not, except very rarely, using an ILLEGAL gun. They are using gunz that were put in their hands by the complicit or stupid acts of others.