Fun With Traveling Americans

Laughing at these folks would make me a truly horrible person so instead I’ll just remind this family that God works in really mysterious ways and also has one helluva sense of humor:

PHOENIX — A northern Arizona family that was lost at sea for weeks in an ill-fated attempt to leave the U.S. over what they consider government interference in religion will fly back home Sunday.

Hannah Gastonguay, 26, said Saturday that she and her husband “decided to take a leap of faith and see where God led us” when they took their two small children and her father-in-law and set sail from San Diego for the tiny island nation of Kiribati in May.

But just weeks into their journey, the Gastonguays hit a series of storms that damaged their small boat, leaving them adrift for weeks, unable to make progress. They were eventually picked up by a Venezuelan fishing vessel, transferred to a Japanese cargo ship and taken to Chile where they are resting in a hotel in the port city of San Antonio.

Their flights home were arranged by U.S. Embassy officials, Gastonguay said. The U.S. State Department was not immediately available for comment.

Oh, the irony. I’ll assume the U.S. State Department demanded the Gastonguay family renounce Jesus and become Pastafarians before lifting a finger to help them? No? Huh.

These folks have some pretty whacked ideas:

Hannah Gastonguay said her family was fed up with government control in the U.S. As Christians they don’t believe in “abortion, homosexuality, in the state-controlled church,” she said.

U.S. “churches aren’t their own,” Gastonguay said, suggesting that government regulation interfered with religious independence.

Among other differences, she said they had a problem with being “forced to pay these taxes that pay for abortions we don’t agree with.”

The Gastonguays weren’t members of any church, and Hannah Gastonguay said their faith came from reading the Bible and through prayer.

“The Bible is pretty clear,” she said.

We have a state-controlled church? Taxes pay for abortions? Since when?

You know, is this an awesome country or what? You can come up with all sorts of crackpot, crazy ideas that have no basis in reality about how America has failed you and this country will still bail your butt out when you get into trouble.


Meanwhile, y’all picked Kiribati? For realz? Y’all don’t read much, do you?

Running out of options, and water, a nation’s leader enters an end game against climate change. The President of Kiribati urges an orderly evacuation — “migration with dignity”.

So let’s get this straight: some clueless Christians suffering imaginary “persecution” decide to escape to a country that is literally going under water due to climate change and will soon no longer exist. And on their way they hit storm after storm, have to be rescued, and are forced to turn to the country they think oppresses them for help.

God is shouting at you people and her message is Get a fucking clue!

(h/t, friend of the blog Leslie P.)


Filed under religion, religious fundamentalism, religious right

19 responses to “Fun With Traveling Americans

  1. barbdominey

    Sounds to me like God led them to Chile. They can stay there, that’d be ok by me.

    • Anonymouse

      Since they were from Arizona, why didn’t they just wander the desert for 40 years and leave the rest of us tax-payers out of their stupidity?

  2. SiubhanDuinne

    Their flights home were arranged by U.S. Embassy officials, Gastonguay said.

    Oh yeah? Well, I’m not sure I want my tax dollars paying to fly stupid people home.

  3. yutsano

    Kiribati? Really?

    • Anonymouse

      Think of the overwhelming arrogance of these people that they believed they could just sail to a foreign nation and be, what, welcomed as overlords?!?

  4. GOD apparently told them that they were TRUE MurKKKan Morans(TM)!

  5. “Come with me and I’ll make you fishers of Chilean Sea Bass.”

  6. ThresherK

    When someone stomps their little feet and leaves in a huff, shouldn’t we make them prove they’re better than some top-tier green card applicant before we let them back in?

    Or maybe threaten them with a year in the prison cell that Ted Nugent was sure he’d be in by now?

  7. Kyle

    While ignorantly heading to a country that believes in climate change because they are literally sinking under the waves, the Gastonguays are offered assistance by ships from evul soshulist Canada, evul soshulist Venezuela and close-collusion-between-government-and-business Japan. They eventually land in the country that prosecuted neocon hero-torturer-murderer Augusto Pinochet, and their passage back to the US is expedited by evul govmint bureaucrats of the State Department.
    And I suspect this experience changed their worldview not an inch.
    Reality can be cruel when you subscribe to right-wing ideological fantasies.

    • And I suspect this experience changed their worldview not an inch.

      Weirdly, they seem to be enjoying the attention… probably working on selling the movie rights as we speak.

  8. Janna

    I’m glad they were not injured or killed in the storms they encountered and hope the children are doing well,too. I’m not sure that returning them to where they don’t want to be is the best thing to do, but they do seem very unprepared to do much else. It seems that saving people from themselves is a never-ending job, though. Embarking on such a trip with small children, to a place they obviously hadn’t researched, without a real plan for their own safety should something like a storm happen, is something that should be considered while authorities are determining if those children are really safe in their care. For people in their late 20’s, they do seem petulant and childish and immature.

    • One story I read said the mother gave birth to their infant on the boat. I think she was pregnant before they set sail. That sounds pretty reckless and irresponsible to me. Having faith in God is one thing you have some common sense, people!

      • Janna

        Oh, my. I hadn’t realized that! A baby born while they were lost at sea?! Thank God mom and baby both survived and are apparently doing well. Why was it so urgent for them to leave before the baby was born? I know traveling like that with a newborn isn’t a walk in the park, but there was so very much about this trip that just wasn’t thought out. God wants us to trust him, but he expects us to use the sense he gave us when we make decisions.

      • Janna

        As far as I can tell, the baby was born on the boat while it was docked in San Diego. The baby is about 8 months old now. Still, what a risk to those precious babies! The family is going back to Arizona to come up with a new plan.

      • That’s a relief. Yeah, I can’t imagine setting sail with a newborn. I think these folks are a little nuts.

  9. democommie

    Southern Beale:

    I’m pretty sure that the narrative of their film treatment will run along the lines of, “GOD, in his infinitenessousity unhardened the hearts of the devilspawn who run them soshulist countrees.

  10. onyxpnina

    The Slacktivist mentioned this in his 7 things rundown (it’s #4) and alludes to the story of Jonah. Heh.

    Really, it’s as if they shut their brains off.