Everyone Needs A Hobby

Considering a career change? This may be the “how-to” guide for you!


Learn how to make a fortune as a religious con artist. This lucrative career has sustained countless scoundrels, frauds and hucksters for millennia. If you play the part right, you will be blessed with riches, power, prestige and sex.

Discover the easy, inexpensive ways to get religious credentials (and the tax-free status that goes with them), how to develop your following, how to tailor your message for maximum gain and how to weasel out of trouble when your lavish lifestyle or personal misconduct hits the fan.

Your victims will be the feeble, the old, the poor and the desperate, so this is for people with no conscience whatsoever. Get ready to stare into the hopeful faces of the lame and the terminally ill and lie, convince working people to send you their last five or ten bucks by telling them that God will return the donation a hundredfold and rob nursing home residents of what little they have as they hang on to every word you say. In return, you will give them a good show, a temporary emotional high and a hefty dose of false hope. And you will be one rich SOB!

Whether you’re actually considering a career in televangelism or just studying their methods to protect yourself or a loved one, you’ll find page after page of shocking, amusing and heartbreaking true stories.

Paladin Press publishes a lot of stuff for the home munitions enthusiast and survivalist set, including a notorious “how to be a hit man” title which landed it in court at least once. These folks crossed my radar back when I was doing research for my perpetually-unfinished novel and needed to learn some backyard ballistics. I hate to give them any money because they’re nuttier than a Baby Ruth bar but I just had to pick this title up.

Who knows, it could offer some real tips on how to fleece the Teanuts for fun and profit!


Filed under Books, religion

8 responses to “Everyone Needs A Hobby

  1. If you could craft one neologism that would cover luvvin’ teh gunz, hatin’ teh OTHER and misunderstanding the tenets of your chosen faith–then COPYRIGHT it, you could retire on the royalties that would pour in from FuckTheNew’sCorpse and their ilk.

  2. I’m more than a little suspicious about that author’s name. I mean really, Bill Wilson? The founder of AA may have been imperfect, but he was not a fraud and a con man. Does this POS have a foreword by Dr. Bob?

    • I can’t vouch for whether this is his real name, but under the name Bill Wilson he’s written several books for Paladin, you can check out his author page at Amazon. Titles include “Cover Your Tracks without Changing Your Identity,” “Backyard Catapults,” and “Under the Table and into Your Pocket: The How and Why of The Underground Economy.”

      Last one is intriguing.

  3. Meredith

    Are you sure that’s not “Palin” Press?

  4. shit like this just makes me sad…

  5. I would do that but couldn’t keep a straight face.

  6. Bitter Scribe

    “Backyard Catapults”? Seriously? This guy catapults stuff out of his backyard? I thought that shit happened only on “The Simpsons.”

    • I suppose when Obummer comes and steals everyone’s guns a backyard catapult is the only way you’ll have to defend your castle. I assume there’s a companion volume, “Moat-building For Dummies.”