How much do I love you? I love you so much that I found a super awesome 2nd Amendment Hero just for Halloween. I bring you Chris White of West Virginia. Roll that beautiful gunfail footage:
LOGAN, W.Va. (AP) — An assistant prosecutor in West Virginia has been suspended after pulling a gun and threatening to shoot fake spiders scattered around the office as Halloween decorations.
Logan County Prosecuting Attorney John Bennett tells media outlets that Chris White informed other employees that he is “deathly afraid of spiders” before threatening to shoot. Bennett says he was out of the office at the time but was told about the incident by shaken employees.
He says White assured him the gun wasn’t loaded. Bennett suspended White on Wednesday, several weeks after the incident, because employees were still upset.
The spider decorations have been removed, and Bennett has barred anyone other than the agency’s investigator from carrying guns in the office.
Neither the media outlets nor The Associated Press could reach White for comment.
There is so much to love about this story. Deathly afraid of spiders? Check. Pulling a gun on spiders? Check. I mean seriously, I’m not a huge fan of spiders either, but what kind of idiot pulls a gun when a fucking rolled up newspaper would do the job? (Of course, as the spiders were fake … not even necessary, dufus!)
This is why I don’t want people carrying guns everywhere. Absolutely zero judgment on when it’s appropriate to pull out your weapon. “I’m scared” seems to be the perennial excuse, but people are scared of lots of things.
Now, it’s also possible that White pulled his gun to force the removal of said fake spiders from the office decor. In other words, he’s a gun bully. Again: Not okay! Not appropriate!
Once again I leave you with the obvious: this guy doesn’t need a gun. He needs a therapist.