I’m Not Your Smile Monkey

We’ve all been there, amiright right ladies? You’re walking down the street, or in a grocery store, or at the post office, or any old place, really; you’re going about your day (and maybe it was a shitty day, maybe it wasn’t), and you’re thinking whatever you’re thinking, wrapped up in your own business, because the one thing you are not worried about in that moment is what some asshole loser guy thinks about you. And right then the asshole loser guy comes up to you and says, “Smile!”

How much do you want to pop that guy in the nose in that moment? And how much self-restraint does it take to not go full-shrill and tell him to mind his own fucking business and if he doesn’t like your sourpuss face, look at someone else?

This happened to me a lot when I was younger and hotter. Fellas, let me tell you now: if this is your pick-up line, you are Doing. It. Wrong.

“Smile!” is right up there with, “When’s the baby due?” when you’re not pregnant. If I want to smile I’ll fucking smile, okay? And if I don’t, I won’t, and it’s none of your goddamn business how, or why, or when. I’m not here to be your scenery.

I think I speak for all women when I say, Fuck you, asshole. I’m not your smile monkey. Go get some goddamn manners.

So yes, the backlash against Joe Scarborough for Tweeting at Hillary Clinton to “smile” last night is very richly deserved. He actually had the temerity to monitor her facial expressions? We weren’t put on earth to be your set decoration, guys. Ditto the other right-wing assholes who didn’t like the sound of Hillary’s voice. News flash: we don’t give a fuck what you think of our facial expressions, the volume of our voice, or any other aspect of our physical selves. Now go into the kitchen and make me a goddamn sandwich.

The #SmileForJoe hashtag on Twitter is just the kind of smackdown these pompous douche canoes deserve. There’s some brilliant stuff over there. Check it out.


Filed under 2016 Election, 2016 Presidential Election, feminism, Hillary Clinton, media

5 responses to “I’m Not Your Smile Monkey

  1. Kathleen

    And while on Morning Joe, Marky Mark Halperin called the President of the United States a d**k., but that’s OK because he was probably smiling when he said it.

    • Speaking of, I wonder how many times they asked Chris Christie to smile?

      • Democommie

        Just put some food in front of him, he’ll smile so hard YOUR face will hurt.

        I often have people tell me that I should smile, more. When I tire of telling them that I’m smiling, “inside” and it’s an unfortunate anatomical thing that they can’t see it… I tell them that I smile whenever a KKKristian KKKonservative dies or is caught doing something that even JESUS looks at and says, “Oh, FUCK, NO!”. Believe it of not, that’s usually enough to get them talking to someone else.

  2. Randy

    At least he didn’t say Shush.

  3. It doesn’t really tax my memory at all to try to remember Hillary smiling. My most recent memories are all of her smiling. Pretty much most of my memories going back twenty-five years she is wearing a smile.

    Spoiler alert, I don’t watch TV.

    What the hell kind of idiot is going to wear a smile 24/7 with the very real threat of a Trump presidency?

    Guys like Scarborough are not important. Just because last week, he threw a huge monkey wrench into the machinery of the republican powers-that-be, he had to throw them a bone this week to settle the score.

    Dewd has a TV show. What kind of an idiot is going to watch TV on a Sunday morning? Total, useless dweeb.