This Is Not About Us Ladies


Welcome, Crooks & Liars! Please see my update to this post here.


I’m sorry, I thought this whole bathroom nonsense was really about punishing transgendered people for having the nerve to not be like everyone else. Much to my surprise, I learn the Sir Galahads in the legislature are really just trying to protect the ladies. Awwww:

The bathroom — more specifically, the women’s restroom — is the one publicly sanctioned refuge for women, a sanctuary from harassment and abuse, a safe space, to employ that overused phrase. In all my conversations and in all the articles I’ve read on this issue, I haven’t heard anyone express the fear that a person who was born a woman and now identifies as a man will cause harm if he enters a men’s room.

But the fear that a person who was born a man and now presents as a woman will lurk behind the stalls to attack unsuspecting daughters is threaded throughout objections to the bathroom mandate.

“We’re in denial about most of the violence against women in our society, and this brings it to the surface,” Ladin observed. “If I am in a women’s room and see someone who looks like a guy, I’m taken aback. It doesn’t make sense, except for the fact that women everywhere are exposed to violence.”

Indeed, in Tennessee as elsewhere, it appears this really is just about protecting us ladies. Again: awwwwwww.

Yes, if I had a dollar for every time a man dressed up as a woman so he could gain access to the women’s bathroom to harass me! You know, as opposed to just harassing me out in the open, which is where women are actually harassed on a daily basis. Seriously, guys? This is your argument? The “Tootsie” defense? Bullshit.

Why don’t we ask Republican House Rep. Jeremy Durham how often he dressed as a woman to harass his victims in bathrooms, instead of doing it the old-fashioned way? I’m going to guess the answer would be a big, fat never.

No, no. Your transphobia is your problem. You will not hide behind me on this one. This is not about me. It’s about you.

In my fifty-something years on this planet I’ve been to public restrooms all around the world. Oh yes, I’ve peed in big cities and small towns. I’ve used locker rooms at gyms and swimming pools in major metropolises and small rural burghs. I’ve peed in arenas and stadiums, libraries and museums, restaurants and bars, train stations, airports and shopping malls. I’ve showered at the Centennial SportsPlex in downtown Nashville and the fitness center at Lake Barkley State Resort Park in Cadiz, Kentucky. I’ve used pools and locker rooms in Los Angeles and Copenhagen and London and New York City. Good grief, y’all. In all my many experiences with public facilities in five decades on this planet, two things have never ever ever ever EVER happened:

1- I have never been harassed by a man dressed up as a woman;

2- I have never examined or in any other way even noticed another person’s genitalia, nor have I flashed my own. We go about our business with a certain amount of decorum in the facilities. We do not inspect other peoples’ business.

Have I shared a locker room or bathroom with a trans person? Maybe! Probably! I have no way of knowing. I’m not checking what’s under the towel.

I’m increasingly hearing this “we’re just thinking about you ladies” excuse and I find it incredibly offensive and condescending. If you guys really gave a shit about women and women’s safety you wouldn’t have blocked a paltry $2 million needed to address a backlog of thousands of untested rape kits two years ago.

No, no. This isn’t about us. It’s about you. Own it.


Filed under LGBT, Republican Party, Tennessee

16 responses to “This Is Not About Us Ladies

  1. Joseph Stans

    The issue is about the breadth and depth of the mental illness we have surrounding sex. the only thing I notice about coed restrooms – of which there are a bunch – is the occasional long hair in the sink.

  2. Thanks, SB, for telling the REAL Truth today and putting a spotlight on the obvious. The idiots who write these obscene pieces of trash HAVE NO IDEA what they are talking about. Appreciate your verbal ‘nailing them to the wall’ on this issue!

  3. Gammyjill

    I’ve been a lady a bit longer than you have and I agree that I’ve never seen a transsexual in my public bathroom…that I’ve known. But I certainly appreciate all those “Christian” people looking out for my welfare.

    • Yeah maybe hope people who are “testing” a bathroom rule not be assholes? I mean, he wasn’t a transgender person. If he were, he’d look like a woman, not a man. And the other women probably wouldn’t even have noticed “him.”

      If the idea is to use the bathroom of the gender you IDENTIFY with, and he clearly IDENTIFIES as a man, he should have used the men’s room, not the women’s. He was breaking the law and should have been arrested.

      • Jim in Memphis

        He doesn’t have to look like a woman to claim he identifies as a woman. How do you refute someone’s claim that he “feels” female and wants to use the women’s locker room? I don’t think restrooms are a big deal since they have private stalls. I think the problems will arise in locker rooms/shower rooms at public pools and fitness centers. I don’t know what the women’s locker rooms are like, but for the men changing and showering you are typically in one big open room. I can’t imagine a woman would feel very comfortable in that situation. And yes, there are a lot of assholes out there that would have no qualms about taking advantage of this situation.

      • But that’s not what happened here, in your link. In your link he said he was testing the bathroom law. He wasn’t really a trans woman who looked like a dude, he was an actuaL dude just being a dick. I think any trans woman who looked like a man would probably use the men’s bathroom. Because, if you’ve been paying attention, the issue is not, “I want to pee among my peeps, with the people I identify with.” The issue is, “I want to pee where I won’t cause any disruption/get my ass pummeled by phobic assho0les/get arrested.”

        What these laws are meant to avoid is having someone who looks like a woman forced to walk into the men’s room. Or having someone like Schuyler Bailar, who has facial hair and no breasts, walk into the women’s locker room because he also happens to have a vagina.

        Look, Jim, I know you have this hard-on for trying to make sure every law is always perfect in every single situation 100% of the time. I’m not a five-year-old and so I know that’s not realistic. That’s not how it works. There is a .0001% chance that at somewhere in this country, there is a person who maybe wants to pee with the ladies because she feels femme even though she doesn’t entirely look it. And if that happens and there’s an issue, I have confidence our system can handle it and it will get sorted out through the courts, as these things always do.

        In the meantime, I think we should let her use the women’s room, because lord knows if she walks into the men’s room there’s a whole world of hurt awaiting.

      • Democommie

        Southern Beale:

        I really think that you’re reading Jimbo(B) incorrectly. He’s never really struck me as a guy who wants perfect laws. It’s more like he wants laws that benefit him and, well, fuck the rest of us. Just my opinon–an opinion based on several years of reading his smug, tone-deaf comments.

      • I won’t speak for Jim, he’s perfectly capable of doing that himself, it just seems to me that his agenda is usually to point out the futility of laws. Seems like when he’s being particularly bone-headed about something, like with this case, it’s to make the point that laws are stupid or something. And government is stupid because it can’t fix everything so … you know, “small government” and yada yada.

      • Jim in Memphis

        My point is that the law passed in Seattle now made it legal for dudes that don’t look like women to go into the women’s locker room whenever they want. The only thing he has to claim is that he “feels” female. There is no recourse for prosecuting him and they can’t force him to leave because there is no way to prove that he doesn’t “feel” female. I don’t think the answer is to pass laws that state you have to use the gender from your birth certificate. If someone has had an actual sex change operation then they would use the corresponding facilities. I don’t think the law should pertain to restrooms where nudity is not an issue. However, there should be a law against men (including men that “feel” female) entering women’s locker/shower/changing rooms and vice versa. I think what you will see is people will start to take things into their own hands. When they know that the police can’t do anything about some asshole in the women’s locker room then someone is going to go in and beat the shit out of them.

      • My point is that the law passed in Seattle now made it legal for dudes that don’t look like women to go into the women’s locker room whenever they want.

        No, it didn’t. I know you want to think that, but it didn’t. A guy can claim he “feels” female all he wants but that doesn’t make him a trans person. He’d have to prove it. You could haul that person into court and bring in all of their friends and family and coworkers and neighbors and it would be very easy to find out of he’s sincere or just pretending and being a public nuisance. And for the record, any asshole or mentally ill person could do that right now, regardless. And it would be dealt with the same way.

        I know you want to think that a law like Seattle’s suddenly makes it impossible for a security guard or police officer to stop an obvious male from entering the women’s room but it doesn’t.

  4. Randy

    I spent the weekend in San Francisco. I am not trans but used what I assume to be a trans bathroom.(Signage sort of indicated all welcome) Guess what it looked like. Lots of private stalls. Shocking. Everyone Poops. Get over it.

  5. Randy

    In re: the above comment. I needed to go and did not see a specific men’s restroom in the portion of the building I was in. This was not an experiment.

  6. Democommie

    Have you seen this?