Sarah Palin Is Not Running For Anything, Idiots

Good lord, every time that woman burps the national news media has to rush to cover it. I find it very annoying. Now, in addition to the ridiculous speculation about a Hillary-Palin rematch (like this nonsense from USA Today) we have the breathless reports about Palin running for Senate in Alaska.

Please. Palin isn’t running for anything. Ever. That is the last thing this woman wants to do. But the endless, fawning attachment to the idea of her running for something is certainly a useful fundraising tool for the political-industrial complex. And I’m not surprised to see the corporate media dutifully playing its part to help the Great Palin Grift Machine chug into Grand Profit Station.

It’s sorta like the unholy alliance that gave us those ridiculous TV ads featuring Texas Sen. Ted Cruz calling to abolish the IRS. Inexplicably, the ads are running on MSNBC and Bravo (probably Fox too, but I don’t watch that channel), and Cruz comes off like an utter loon. But what better way to pick the wallets and amass a mailing list of fellow anti-tax loons before the midterms, right? Anyone who calls that 800 number is an idiot. Not sure how many anti-tax extremists watch those channels, but whatever.

But as far as Palin goes, finally someone besides us lefty bloggers is onto her:

Whatever you think of Palin, you have to give her this: She is a genius marketer of the “Sarah Palin” brand. She has turned herself into a celebrity. She is a well-compensated speaker, author and now, again, Fox News Channel political analyst.

And, to Nelson’s point above, Palin knows that the worst thing for that brand would be to return to the political arena as a candidate and lose. To run would be to risk the cachet and marketability she has built up in conservative circles. And Palin is plenty smart enough to know that.

Which is a nice way of saying, she’s not running for anything except to be Sarah Palin.

It’s The Sarah Palin Smoker-Sculpture

Apparently this sculpture/barbecue smoker debuted in Memphis last year, but this is the first I’ve heard of it. Why a sculpture/barbecue smoker? I’m going to guess it had something to do with the Memphis In May barbecue festival, but my Memphis friends will have to confirm that.

When it’s in barbecue mode, according to the article, Palin’s head appears to be “steaming with anger”:

J. Taylor Wallace’s work is currently on display outside Chicago’s Bridgeport Art Center. Not surprisingly, the irony has been completely lost on the perpetually aggrieved Tea Party cult. No, they are not amused, and they have directed their inchoate, homophobic rage at the artist.

From the article:

“I’ve gotten some really lovely emails, like, ‘You suck, and you’ll be the next one to burn,'” says Wallace. Here are a few choice selections from the artist’s inbox:

It is a matter of time till you are the pig, was it fun for you pig.

Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame by insulting someone. Looks more like a morph of H Clinton and R Maddow, anyway.

I noticed your work of art in the Chicago Tribune this morning. I am sure you are elated with the exposure you have received. Unfortunately, you obviously needed to accomplish this by using Sarah Palin (an easy target) as your inspiration. I hope the feminist groups in the United States take note of your efforts to humiliate a woman of intelligence, courage and leadership. The role model that these groups have promoted over the years to have the opportunity to become President or Vice President of our nation has been ridiculed by your “work of art”. I work in the art field, totally enjoy creativity, am not a feminist, and am totally not impressed by your work. I feel sorry for the people of Bridgeport and visitors that will be exposed to your art.

“Amid the hate speech, I have also been called ‘gay’ in what is I presume an attempt to insult me by a particular demographic of individuals,” Wallace says. This vehement opposition to the flavor-imparting Palin dome upset him, at first. “The point is to have a conversation…. For people to get so angry over a piece of artwork is surprising to me.”

Really? You’re surprised by this? I’m not. The lunatic fringe don’t want to have a conversation. That’s the absolute last thing they want to do. Indeed, they want to shut down the conversation. That’s the whole point, after all. That’s why their leaders talk over everyone else on shows like Meet The Press, that’s why they staged the summer Town Brawls, shouting down even the members of Congress hosting these events. That is why they are always being whipped into a frenzy, and that is why they are perpetually “steaming in anger.” The absolute last thing these people want is a conversation, because when we have a conversation reason wins. And they are the opposite of reason.

I’ve always said that art, music, comedy and literature are our best weapons against this lunatic fringe. You can’t shout down art.

Bristol Palin Needs Attention

The Little Shop Of Political Horrors that is the Palin family is demanding a regular feeding. This time it’s Bristol Palin who has opened her mouth to allow some stupid to fall out. Bristol would like to know where her apology from President Obama is, you know, like the one Sandra Fluke got. Cuz, y’know, people were mean to Bristol Palin so, everybody gets a presidential apology when that happens, right?

What is it with these perpetually aggrieved Palins? Okay, look honey: when you give testimony before members of the House of Representatives over a piece of national health policy and you get called a slut and whore as a result, then maybe you’ll get your apology. So far, all you’ve done is showcase your surgically altered features on Dancing With The Stars and get knocked up after too many wine coolers when you were in high school.

The fact that she fails to understand this gigantic distinction is yet more proof that the Grifters Of Wasilla are woefully clueless about the difference between public policy and public relations, celebrity and citizenship.

Bristol, honey, just STFU.

How Can We Encourage This?

Sarah Palin, the cover girl of Republican politics with an IQ hovering around that of a box of hammers, on why Republicans need to vote for Newt Gingrich:

“So, if for no other reason to rage against the machine vote for Newt, annoy a liberal.”

Yes, rage against that machine! The one that oppresses you on your Medicare-financed Hoveround! Remember, every time you push the lever for Newt, a hippie gets punched!

Ha ha ha ha ha ….

Could Newt be threatening to go rogue, use all of that Sheldon Adelson casino money to launch a third party run? With that ginormous ego of his, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Run, Newt, run! And bring Savior Sarah with you! Gingrich/Palin 2012!

Best American Moran Ever

I don’t know if this is a hoax or not but it’s hilarious:

Yeah we’re all gonna need heroin if Sarah Palin gets elected to anything.

By the way, this is Sarah Palin’s second appearance in the American Morans club.

[UPDATE]:

Okay, it’s apparently not a hoax, and the typo has since been fixed, according to this Facebook page. This belongs in some kind of American Moran Hall of Fame.

NOW Will The Media Get Over Its Palin Infatuation?

Um, news media? If it wasn’t abundantly clear before that you clowns are the only ones who care about Sarah Palin, it should be now. Apparently the ridiculously-titled Sarah Palin fan flick “The Undefeated” opened last night in ultra-conservative Orange County, and no one showed up — and it was one of the only 10 screens nationwide bothering to show the film!

No one, of course, save the same clueless media types who have always been sniffing at her heels. I’m sorry but how ridiculous did The Atlantic’s Conor Friedersdorf feel sitting entirely alone in a movie theater watching a Palin fluffer? Pretty ridiculous, by the sound of it:

I hurried through the teenage hordes, bypassed a concession stand that sold 1,020 calories of soda for $5.25, and entered theater number 30, hoping I’d have ample time before the previews to talk to some people. But inside, the theater was empty. I sat there alone for 20 minutes, at which point an usher stuck his head in the door, gave me a quizzical smile, and said, “How come you’re not watching Harry Potter?” Then he left me by myself again, and without any good answer.

Look, most Americans don’t care about Sarah Palin. We don’t. The only reason she’s in the news is because you assclowns keep foisting her on us, and then you whine and cwy and tamp your widdew feet when she disses you and calls you “lame.” Hey, she’s right, you are lame!

Look, you want to cover Sarah Palin? Here’s an idea: Why don’t you cover the fact that SarahPAC spent tens of thousands of dollars on what she repeatedly described as her “family vacation”?

Meanwhile, the treasurer of SarahPAC gloats that they “received more than 36,700 contributions from over 24,000 contributors.” Um.. okay, and that money went to pay for the Palin family vacation? Are these people fools? Is Palin lying? How is this not the absolute definition of a con job? Start a PAC, collect money from idiots, spend money on yourself. Hello? Hey, Mr. Beale and I would love to go back to Italy next year. Maybe I can get some fools to pay for it with my PAC!

Maybe Stephen Colbert is on to something here.

And yes, I’m being a little unfair, there’s been some mention of this in the media as my links attest. But nothing has reached the fever pitch of the “will she or won’t she” question, which is about all the news media seems to care about, though no one else gives a shit.

Just yesterday our local NewsChannel5 morning newsbot Steve Hayslip teased a “big announcement from Sarah Palin, details after the break!” You know what the big announcement was? That she may (or may not) announce whether she’s running for president in August. Or maybe September.

Or maybe not!

I mean seriously, it’s reached a stage where I’m starting to wonder if Sarah Palin isn’t a satirical character created for the sole purpose of poking fun at our news media. Yes, exactly like Stephen Colbert.

(h/t, ThinkProgress)

Another 2012 GOP Prediction

I’ve looked in my crystal ball and I’m ready to make another prediction about the Republican field for 2012.

As you will recall, I first predicted that Donald Trump would not run, and the media was wasting everyone’s time — and their own credibility — with constant “will he or won’t he?” coverage. Yeah, I know. That one was a gimme. You didn’t need to be an astute political observer to figure that one out. But hey, props for me: apparently I knew more than people with fancy book contracts and six-figure salaries in the political punditry. I totally called it, you guyz!

(Hint: I think that says more about them than me.)

So here’s my next political prediction for the 2012 presidential race (cue sound effects):

Sarah Palin is not running for president!

Yeah, I know. Another gimme! I’m really going out on a limb here. It just seems so obvious to anyone who has watched the Grifter from Wasilla play coy with the press for the past four years. She’s just playing a cute little game with you guys to boost her profile so she can rake in more dough down the line. Nice of you guys to play along, too. For all Palin’s whining about how unfairly she’s treated by the big, mean mainstream media, there’s a nice little symbiotic relationship here.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the American media? Why do they focus so much attention on the “will they or won’t they” story? Is this at all relevant to anyone’s life right now? If they run, they run. Until they decide, it’s not a story. I just saw some journobot on CBS’s Early Show saying “we have to cover this” and I thought, “no, actually, you don’t!”

And I have to wonder at what point is the media’s credibility completely shattered by wasting so much time on stories about Donald Trump and Sarah Palin and other candidates who clearly will not run? It’s like Balloon Boy all over again. They’re chasing a shiny piece of mylar in the sky wondering if there’s a candidate in there. No, there’s not.

Cripes. What a waste of time, money, energy, and talent. We deserve better than this.

[UPDATE]:

Ha ha. CJR nails it:

You may never want to hear those words and you may never want to hear the advice that follows. Move on. She’s embarrassing you. There are plenty more fish in the sea. That Pawlenty kid is so nice and he actually likes you. But sometimes you need to hear it—especially when you’re devoting serious newsroom resources to your obsession.

The political realms truly resembles high school all over again. Hey, it’s not like this shit should be taken seriously, right? As if what happens in politics actually affects people’s lives or anything! /sarcasm

What the fuck is wrong with you people in the media? Pathetic.

>Revisionist History Alert

>
Yes there are people in America who really think Sarah Palin was our first female VP nominee. Unbelievable, but true. I guess when you live in a bubble that’s about to be expected.

Umm … CNN?

[UPDATE]:

Via Doug at Balloon Juice:

I would not be shocked if Palin eventually makes up some crazy story about an attempted attack on her, maybe along the lines of the Ross Perot story about how the Viet Cong tried to put a hit on him.

And her appearance on Hannity on Monday will be the perfect opportunity for her to tell us how oppressed and beleaguered she is by the big, mean liberals.

———————

Predictably, CNN Correspondent Erick Erickson hated on the President’s speech in today’s column. No big shocker there. But he really wallowed in the mud on this one:

Out there somewhere is someone who would love to kill Governor Palin. God forbid they do it. But you and I both know there is some crazy MSNBC watcher and Media Matters reader who even now is dreaming of doing so.

And should they try, we can be equally sure of something else. The left will be divided into two camps: (1) bitch deserved it and (2) not my fault.

It is unfortunate. I hope it never happens. But you and I both know the reality in which we live.

Wow. Way to go, buddy. You really topped yourself this time. Way to take the whole “civil discourse” stuff to heart. As if Sarah Palin were even important enough to bother with. Well, maybe in her own mind, but really. Can you imagine? Most of us ignore her, except when the mainstream media insists on shoving her latest ghost-written Tweet or Facebook post in our faces. Then we point fingers and laugh. Not quite the same as assassination but then again, maybe it is to people like Erick Erickson.

I think those three paragraphs say a whole lot more about Erick Erickson than they do about the Left, Media Matters or MSNBC. And I can’t help but wonder why this hack still has a job on CNN.

Adding …. Mr. Beale heard that Erickson thinks some MSNBC watcher “would love to kill Governor Palin” and cracked: “Wait, I though none of ’em have guns?” Which reminded me: I’m always amazed at the right’s two completely contradictory characterizations of us liberals, which they seem able to hold in their minds at the same time. We’re either weak-kneed surrender monkeys who are “soft on defense,” want to offer therapy and understanding to our enemies, and can’t be trusted to keep the nation safe OR we’re the whacked out anarchists rioting in the streets and fomenting civil unrest.

Cognitive dissonance much?

>This Says More About You Than It Does About Us

>Via Anne Laurie at Balloon Juice comes this semi-satirical (I hope) piece in Esquire, “How D.C. Became Hollywood for Semi-Attractive People.” The premise is that Republicans are ascendent because they have stars like Sarah Palin and Christine O’Donnell who happen to be attractive women, and they’re fun to watch because they spew crazy shit. The Democrats are boring, and their women, says the article, “are either old or unattractive.” When given a choice between old/unattractive and boring vs. attractive and entertaining/crazy, the American voter will take the latter, according to Esquire at least.

Before you think Tom Junod just watched this video too many times, hear him out:

The reality-television baseline is becoming the standard of beauty in this country: If you can say really crazy things or lead a really crazy life and become a star, well, then you must be beautiful. The Republicans have cornered the market on beauty because they’ve cornered the market on crazy, and if they’ve failed to produce a “candidate” in Delaware, they’ve succeeded in producing a star, and have made all the tut-tutting pundits look as behind the times as the newspapers they serve. Wherever populism reared its head, there used to be sweaty men; now — in country music, at Fox, and in crossover “Islamaphobe” bloggers who get their picture pasted on the Sunday Times — there are at least semi-sexy women.

Okay, I’m going to call bullshit here, with a bullhorn.

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T!

Sarah Palin lost. Her candidates lose. Christine O’Donnell will lose. They may be attractive and entertaining but they don’t win elections.

Tom Junod and the rest of the media elites may have a hard-on for these women but the country does not want them in elected office. They are “stars” because they are “media-genic” — Christine O’Donnell was on television long before she was a political candidate, as the current avalanche of embarrassing video from Bill Maher now illustrates. But that is because she fits the media’s idea of what is attractive and entertaining. It certainly doesn’t mean that this is what voters want in their politicians.

Sure, the superficialities matter — Scott Brown is a case in point. But last I checked, Republican candidates like Rand Paul and Joe Miller aren’t exactly stud muffins. Sharron Angle is no cover girl. So, while I’m trying to be fair to Tom Junod (and Anne Laurie), I think this is BS.

It’s a midterm election, people. The economy sucks. We have a lot of problems in this country, a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety. So when Junod writes

They didn’t realize that what we want is drama and nothing but …

my answer is no. Just, no. We have enough drama as it is. You people are the one who wants the drama, Mr. Junod. It’s the media who demands the crazy and the pretty and the studly. Not the public. It’s YOU who turn these people into stars.

Cripes. Don’t saddle us with your neurosis, buddy.