Oh, Texas. You make me laugh. You make me cry. But mostly, you make me laugh:
For a made-up military mission, Jade Helm 15 is impressively elaborate: The two-month simulation planned for this summer spans much of the Southwest, requiring special forces from four branches of the military to carry out covert operations amid “hostile” territory in Texas, Utah and part of California.
In at least one of those states, hostility toward the operation has begun a few months early. Online and at in-person meetings, many Texans have expressed suspicion and outright opposition to the project. Some are understandably worried about how it’ll affect their daily lives, while conspiracy theorists claim it’s an attempt to institute martial law, possibly in collusion with Wal-Mart.
At an information session in Bastrop on Monday, command spokesman Lt. Col. Mark Lastoria fielded questions about whether Jade Helm 15 will involve bringing foreign fighters from the Islamic State to Texas, whether U.S. troops will confiscate Texans’ guns and whether the Army intends to implement martial law, according to the Austin American-Statesman.
“It’s the same thing that happened in Nazi Germany: You get the people used to the troops on the street, the appearance of uniformed troops and the militarization of the police,” Bastrop resident Bob Wells told the Statesman after the meeting. “They’re gathering intelligence. That’s what they’re doing. And they’re moving logistics in place for martial law. That’s my feeling. Now, I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong. I hope I’m a ‘conspiracy theorist.’”
Is there anything funnier than a bunch of pants-wetting Teanuts, scared that Obummer is never going to leave the White House? Here’s the part I love: it’s all a big fat con-SPEAR-acy and you guys, Wal-mart is in on it!
Multiple Web sites of varying repute also drew a link between the operation and a recent Wal-Mart announcement the chain will be closing five stores, two of them in Texas.
“Are the closed Walmarts being activated as central command for underground operations?” read a headline on IntelliHub, which calls itself the “Civilian Intelligence Agency.”
Two Walmarts in Texas are closing? Well, that just proves it, then! Smoking guns, y’all!
It’s true: when you get to the far reaches of the right wing dial you meet up with the far reaches of the left wing dial. I distinctly remember in 2006 and 2007, far-lefties fearmongered that George W. Bush was going to declare martial law and never leave the White House. I remember some people pointing to the use of Blackwater security forces in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina as “training exercises” for the coming martial law.
There is one huge difference between left wing nutjobs fearmongering about Bush and Teanuts fearmongering about Obama. When the left did it, nobody paid attention. It happened off in some dark corner of the internet where those of us who noticed just laughed; the mainstream of America had no clue it was going on. There weren’t Washington Post and CBS Morning News stories about it. It wasn’t addressed at the daily White House press briefing.
And there certainly wasn’t a response by the governor of one of the country’s largest states. But Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has ordered the Texas National Guard to monitor the exercise. Hilarious.
I find that so interesting. When right-wingers needlessly crap their pants over some ludicrous conspiracy theory, everyone jumps to attention. When left-wingers do the same thing, no one even notices it. I don’t think it’s because right-wing freakouts are more legitimate than left-wing ones, I just think it’s a sign of how the Republican Party in general has been completely co-opted by the crazy train known as the Tea Party. Gov. Abbott is a Teanut, so of course when the Alex Jones set starts donning their tinfoil hats, he’s going to follow suit. And that gets the attention of the national news media.
It’s just another signal that one of our two major political parties in America is completely batshit insane.