No, But His IQ Test Was Conducted During His Proctology Exam

Cheese and rice, people:

BOISE, IDAHO — An Idaho lawmaker received a brief lesson on female anatomy after asking if a woman can swallow a small camera for doctors to conduct a remote gynecological exam.

The question Monday from Republican state Rep. Vito Barbieri came as the House State Affairs Committee heard nearly three hours of testimony on a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medication through telemedicine.

Barbieri later said that the question was rhetorical and intended to make a point.

Dr. Julie Madsen, a physician who said she has provided various telemedicine services in Idaho, was testifying in opposition to the bill. She said some colonoscopy patients may swallow a small device to give doctors a closer look at parts of their colon.

“Can this same procedure then be done in a pregnancy? Swallowing a camera and helping the doctor determine what the situation is?” Barbieri asked.

Madsen replied that would be impossible because swallowed pills do not end up in the vagina.

“Fascinating. That makes sense,” Barbieri said, amid the crowd’s laughter.

Here’s a thought. Before you idiots in the Republican Party try legislating women’s bodies, why don’t you first learn something about them? Or is that too much like work?

Okay, he now says he was trying to get the doctor to testify that colonoscopies aren’t the same as abortions or whatever. I would think that would be patently obvious, but of course you’re dealing with a Republican here. They aren’t “scientists,” as they will frequently remind you.

Idiots.

[UPDATE]:

You know, after giving this more thought, I’m going to come back and say no, I don’t know what the fuck this idiot was trying to say. I’m not sure why swallowing a pill with a tiny camera for a colonoscopy (which, near as I can tell, is by no means the standard practice for these routine exams anyway) would preclude a tiny camera being put on the tip of a tampon or whatever. I mean, we all know how transvaginal ultrasounds work. Surely Idaho already has one of those vaginal probe abortion bills on the books — we do in Tennessee. Why he thought a tiny ingestible camera would be his “ah-ha” moment, I have no clue.

You know, my advice for you Republicans is to just shut up about women’s stuff. You continually make fools of yourself.

SHOCKED To Find Gambling In This Establishment

Conservatives are finally learning that grifters gotta grift and a whole lot of them are doing it on their side of the aisle. Hilarious.

I love this:

For example, did you know that despite the fact that it raised a staggering 13 million dollars, The National Draft Ben Carson for President isn’t affiliated with Ben Carson and the small percentage of money it spent on independent expenditures didn’t go to him?

I’m sorry but Ben Carson is batshit insane. He’s a loon, barking mad, a total crackpot. If you’re giving money to get this raging narcissist elected president, I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re as divorced from reality as he is.

Sigh. If only someone had seen this coming.

Oh, wait. We did. Hell, we told you Sarah Palin’s teasing “campaigns” are nothing but one giant exercise in graft.

Don’t say we didn’t try to warn you. But no, you were too busy waving your Gadsden flags and screaming about socialism to pay attention.

Sucks to be you.

The Unwashed Free Hand

Proving yet again that Libertarians are morons, I bring you North Carolina “free market” Republican Thom Tillis:

WASHINGTON (AP) — Congressional Republicans are challenging several health regulations, with one senator suggesting restaurants shouldn’t have to make their employees wash their hands after bathroom visits.

Such restaurants would have to prominently disclose their decision, and then would probably would go out of business, said newly elected GOP Sen. Thom Tillis of North Carolina. But they should have that choice, he said.

[…]

“Let them decide” such issues, Tillis said, adding: “That’s probably one where every business that did that would go out of business. But I think it’s good to illustrate the point, that that’s the sort of mentality we need to have to reduce the regulatory burden on this country.”

Um, Okay. So basically you want to get rid of one regulation requiring employees wash their hands and replace it with a different one requiring restaurants post a sign if they opt out. This is preferable how? Because it sounds more shiny, sparkly, free-markety? Really? Because all you’re doing is shifting the “burden” to restaurant consumers, who would then have to hunt around for some sign. Never mind the idea that if you’re going to opt out of a hand-washing regulation, maybe you’ll dodge a sign-posting one, too. We’ll just never know.

This makes my life better how, exactly?

See, this is what’s wrong with Libertarians. They think that the glorious unfettered magical free hand of the market makes everything wonderful when all it really does is burden the general public. You know what? I have a life. I don’t want to have to research every fucking restaurant in town to determine if they’re opting out of certain health regulations or not. I’d much rather have a health department fully staffed with health inspectors who enforce our health laws. If we truly did make our restaurant health regulations optional, I’d never eat out again. Because if you’re going to skirt one, you’ll no doubt skirt all the others. And for fuck sakes, Thom Tillis: a regulation is a goddamn regulation. One isn’t “better” because it sounds more “choicey.”

You people are fucking idiots. Please, let’s keep them as far away from the reins of power as possible.

An Update On The Obama Economy

In October 2012, bajillionaire David Siegel of Westgate Resorts/“Queen of Versailles” fame had some voting advice for his employees, specifically, that hard-working makers like him might not be able to afford to employ the lazy schlubs of Taker America any longer if Obummer were to be re-elected.

At the time I told him to “… just Go Galt and leave us the fuck alone.” Ah yes, that was a righteous, cathartic rant. I feel good all over again just re-reading it.

So now, let’s check in with David Siegel. Is he, as he threatened,

“… in the Caribbean sitting on the beach, under a palm tree, retired, and with no employees to worry about.”

???

Why no, he’s not. In fact, instead of the promised layoffs, he just gave his employees a raise:

“We’re experiencing the best year in our history and I wanted to do something to show my gratitude for the employees who make that possible,” Siegel said in the release, which also said the company would be awarding merit-pay raises for “all eligible team members.”

Well, isn’t that special. Their best year ever! I’m sure it’s all due to David Siegel’s hard work and not one ounce of credit goes to the president’s economic policies.

(h/t, Zandar @ Balloon Juice)

Welcoming Our Republican Overlords

Take heart, Democrats. Last night was actually good news. Great news, in fact.

For the next two years the Republican Party will once again remind America that they are completely incapable of governing. Any notion the punditry may hold that Republicans will somehow strike a moderate tone (yes, I’ve actually heard that!) will instantly be dashed by the foamy-mouthed Tea Party rabble-rousers proclaiming their mandate. “I’m not going to be ignored, Dan!”

Nope, there will be no controlling Ted Cruz and his ilk (the best assessment of Cruz I’ve ever read comes from Jon Stewart, who observed the Texas senator “appears to have been bitten by a Machiavellian spider. That dude is distilled ambition.” Yup, couldn’t have said it better myself.) We’ll be treated to two years of debt-ceiling-fighting, Obama-impeachment-loving, Obamacare-repeal-wanting, Benghazi-fear-stoking BS. And in 2016, when the electoral map is as favorable to Democrats as it was for the Republicans this election, we’ll be able to not only keep the White House but we’ll also take back the Senate, as a disgusted electorate remembers why they hate Republicans. This time we’ll get a filibuster-proof majority, too.

So, that’s my take on things. Bring it on, Republicans. And maybe, maybe, Democrats will finally learn how to run on their accomplishments, instead of running from them.

Meanwhile, there was a lot of good news out of election night:

• Tough gun control measures easily won in Washington State.

• In Tennessee, voters overwhelmingly approved ballot measures allowing sales of wine in grocery stores. We will need this as we ponder the cognitive dissonance that returned abortion-for-me-but-not-for-thee hypocrite Scott DesJarlais to Washington while at the same time passing the anti-choice Amendment 1 constitutional amendment.

• Minimum wage increases passed in Arkansas, Illinois, South Dakota and Nebraska.

• Personhood amendments failed in Colorado and North Dakota. This is the third time Colorado voters have said no to this crackpot idea, by the way.

So, it wasn’t all bad news. Take heart!

Republicans, Make Up Your Damn Minds, Already

[UPDATE]:

HA HA HA HA HA:

Sen. Rand Paul’s letter to Harry Reid about blocking Surgeon General nominee Dr. Murthy over gun control:

Full text at the link. My trolls who keep trying to blame Democrats for the stuff Republicans are doing can go fuck themselves.

—————————————————————————-

Proving yet again that there is literally nothing President Obama can do to please Republicans, Sen. Lamar Alexander is not happy with President Obama’s pick for “Ebola Czar.” (Keep in mind, the hissy fits/impeachment threats conservatives had over Obama’s so-called “Czars” in the first place make their current call for an Ebola Czar especially hypocritical):

“I had in mind a cabinet-level official with the skills of a four-star general or admiral who had a broad public health background and would be accountable to Congress. That kind of action would give Americans confidence about our government’s response to Ebola.”

Hmm … someone like, maybe, the Surgeon General we don’t have because the Republicans are too scared of the gun lobby to approve Dr. Vivek H. Murthy?

Honestly, I truly believe that President Obama could personally develop a cure for Ebola, cancer, and stupidity all in one tasty, affordable treat — but the GOP would complain that it’s gluten-free.

How Not To Meet With Citizens

Nashville representatives of Moms Demand Action say they were greeted with guns and lectures about rape when they met with Republican state legislators on background checks last month:

Linda McFadyen-Ketchum, Moms Demand Action chapter leader, and Telisha Cobb wanted to change some state representatives’ minds about the bill. In the middle of a conversation with Womick, McFadyen-Ketchum said, he reached into a drawer, pulled out a gun and placed it on his desk.

Womick, a Rockvale Republican, denies that. It was a gun holster, he said this week, and he explained that he leaves the gun itself in his car, even though he is exempt from the Capitol’s no-carry law. That’s the point he was trying to make, he said.

McFadyen-Ketchum disputes that version. “Why would anyone pull out a holster?” she said. “I don’t have a photographic memory, but it was a gun.”

Womick, of course, is the John Birch Society tin-foil hat conspiracy nut behind the legislature’s Agenda 21 vote last year, as well as an attempt to bar Muslims from serving in the military. The guy is squirrelier than a bag of nuts, but in addition to intimidating moms who want some sensible background checks, he also seems to have forgotten that one of the last places in Tennessee where guns are not allowed is the state Capitol.

By the way, Womick claims he is exempt because he says he “works in law enforcement,” but according to his bio, he’s an airline pilot who received training at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center. Training is not the same as employment. I would love to know what his actual law enforcement job is.

And let me add, I am alarmed that a raging paranoiac like Rick Womick is running around both armed and writing our laws. Normal people are not scared that sustainable development is a United Nations conspiracy to further one-world government or that Sharia Law is a real threat to America. That is crackpot Glenn Beck shit, y’all. Anyone who believes it is so far inside the John Birch information bubble that they’re oxygen deprived.

And it gets better:

She and Cobb also met Rep. Mike Carter, an Ooltewah Republican, who told them there were lots of guns inside the state legislature, McFadyen-Ketchum said. Then he said some women carry firearms to defend themselves from rape. Carter suggested Cobb should do the same. Cobb said she’d take her chances.

Wow, was that a threat?

Thank you, Rep. Carter, for mansplaining to us ladies about how rape is a thing we need to be worried about. Gee, I was so busy thinking about shopping and clipping coupons that I totally forgot about that! /sarcasm

But let’s get back to the issue of guns in the Capitol:

In the course the meetings, McFadyen-Ketchum also snagged a Capitol security guard and asked whether lawmakers routinely kept guns in their offices. She said the guard told her there was a gentlemen’s agreement — the lawmakers don’t talk about the guns, and security doesn’t look.

That’s encouraging. Let’s hope one of our legislators thumbing their nose at the law doesn’t pull a Leslie Combs.

What’s The Word For This Again?

Welcome, Crooks & Liars!

Y’all think maybe these two stories are related? Story one:

Tennessee’s attorney general again says federal gun laws must stand

The latest attempt by state lawmakers to nullify federal gun laws probably violates the U.S. Constitution, Tennessee’s attorney general said in an opinion released Friday.

Senate Bill 1756, a measure that attempts to block federal laws within Tennessee, would violate the Supremacy Clause of the Constitution, state lawyers said in a terse, two-page opinion signed by Attorney General Robert Cooper. State lawyers note they reached the same conclusion on a similar bill a year ago.

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Brian Kelsey, R-Germantown, sought the opinion. Kelsey and the bill’s sponsor, Republican state Sen. Mae Beavers of Mt. Juliet, have clashed previously over the issue.

Story two:

Attorney general bill advances in Tennessee state Senate; on state House calendar this week

The state House version of a bill that would give Tennessee’s governor and the General Assembly power over the state attorney general is on a subcommittee calendar for debate Wednesday.

The state Senate version of the bill passed out of committee last week on a 5-3 vote and is set to be scheduled for a full Senate vote.

Supporters say the bill would make the state attorney general’s office more accountable to Tennessee citizens. The attorney general now is appointed by Tennessee Supreme Court justices, who themselves are appointed by the governor.

Bill opponents, who include Gov. Bill Haslam, say the legislation is a power grab that could violate the state constitution and politicize the independent office.

You know what? I’d like to see our representatives in the legislature be more accountable to Tennessee citizens first, ‘m’kay? We keep hearing about jobs and the economy being peoples’ number one concern, but when you elect Tennessee Republicans like Mae Beavers what you end up getting is a lot of culture war crazy and attempts to roll back the clock and re-litigate battles that were settled long ago.

And, yes. A special kudo to that crack legal mind Mae Beavers — and when I say “crack,” I DO mean influenced by illegal substances, as she’s so far off the rails, even her fellow Republicans can’t take her seriously any more. I simply cannot believe that there isn’t a person out there who can send this idiot packing. I mean, Tennessee Republicans, have you not thought about finding another candidate for this seat? Mae Beavers is kinda tarnishing your brand. She does not belong in public office of any kind, let alone in the state legislature.

But isn’t this just typical? The state Attorney General keeps telling certain legislators that their ideas are unconstitutional, illegal, even crazy. They won’t stand up in court. Instead of behaving like grown-ups and realizing maybe they might be, y’know, wrong, they just want to use their power to politicize the office and hire some Monica Goodling-type with a “degree” from the University of Phoenix to do their bidding. Power grab? Umm, gee, ya think? But this is what happens when you elect a bunch of people who are more interested in getting their way than doing what’s right.

Now, tell me: what’s the word for this, again? Corrupt? Evil? Stupid? Childish?

By the way, the AG’s opinion can be read here. It’s hilarious.

Constitutionality of Legislation Amending the “Tennessee Firearms Freedom Act”

QUESTION

Is Senate Bill 1607/House Bill 2145 (hereinafter “SB1607”) of the 108th Tennessee General Assembly, which would amend the “Tennessee Firearms Freedom Act,” constitutional?

OPINION

No.

Well, alrighty then. Now run along and play, children, and leave the actual governing to the grown-ups.

And let me remind Tennessee Republicans supporting this ridiculous Attorney General’s bill about one thing: pendulums swing. You won’t be in power forever. The day will come when Democrats are back in charge and get to have all the power you are grabbing for your Republican majority now. And you will not like that. And you will scream and squawk and whine and complain but you will have made this bed and you will have to lie down in it.

And nobody will feel sorry for you.

Your Government Under Republicans

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before:

Ash Spill Shows How Watchdog Was Defanged

RALEIGH, N.C. — Last June, state employees in charge of stopping water pollution were given updated marching orders on behalf of North Carolina’s new Republican governor and conservative lawmakers.

“The General Assembly doesn’t like you,” an official in the Department of Environment and Natural Resources told supervisors called to a drab meeting room here. “They cut your budget, but you didn’t get the message. And they cut your budget again, and you still didn’t get the message.”

From now on, regulators were told, they must focus on customer service, meaning issuing environmental permits for businesses as quickly as possible. Big changes are coming, the official said, according to three people in the meeting, two of whom took notes. “If you don’t like change, you’ll be gone.”

But when the nation’s largest utility, Duke Energy, spilled 39,000 tons of coal ash into the Dan River in early February, those big changes were suddenly playing out in a different light. Federal prosecutors have begun a criminal investigation into the spill and the relations between Duke and regulators at the environmental agency.

This is how Republicans “govern.” We see it here in Tennessee and everywhere Republicans are put in charge. This is what they do. Defang the regulators and those charged with oversight under the guise of “creating jobs,” then when the inevitable happens and and families are forced to truck in their drinking at personal expense, Republican throw up their hands and say, “See! We told you so! We told you government can’t do anything right!”

It’s hard to feel sorry for the very people who keep voting for this nonsense in the first place because they buy into those ridiculous free market fairy tales. Except the sad thing is, we all end up paying.

Privatize gains, socialize losses. It’s the Republican way.

Grand Ole Ratfuckers

Welcome Crooks & Liars! Thanks, Mike!

The Republican Party is so unpopular with the rank and file, they’ve actually resorted to fraud and deception to solicit donations for their sucky candidates:

Republicans are defending a series of websites they established that appear to support Democratic candidates for Congress, but instead direct contributions to the GOP.

The National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) said its websites were not confusing, and accused Democrats of crying foul because their candidates were struggling.

The sites, like this one for Arizona Democratic Rep. Kyrsten Sinema, feature a “Kyrsten Sinema for Congress” banner, and a picture of the first-term congresswoman from a competitive Maricopa County district.

The sites also display a clear, but smaller secondary banner, urging contributions to “help defeat” (in this case) Sinema. At the bottom of the page, it features an NRCC disclaimer.

Let’s take a look at this donation page, shall we?

This is pathetic. So if you’re in a hurry, and just briefly glance over the page, you see a picture of the Democratic candidate and what appears to be her donation options. You may see the word “defeat” but more likely it doesn’t register. You’re in a rush and skim over that stuff as you search for your credit card and focus on the actual donation options. Only after you complete the transaction do you realize you’ve been pwned, sucka!

Trying to figure out who this works for. Surely the people who got ripped off have an even lower estimation of the Republican Party, right? Certainly if I were a candidate who was being used to defraud voters, I’d speak up about it.

Even the URLs appear to be links to Democratic candidates. Check out the sad tale of a Floridian who tried to donate to Democrat Alex Sink’s campaign:

Ray Bellamy said he wanted to make a political contribution to Alex Sink a Google search landed him at “http://contribute.sinkforcongress2014.com.”

“It looked legitimate and had a smiling face of Sink and all the trappings of a legitimate site,” Bellamy, a doctor from Tallahassee who follows Florida politics, wrote in an email to the Buzz. (Here’s Sink’s actual site, which uses a similar color scheme.)

What Bellamy overlooked was that the site is designed to raise money against Sink. “I failed to notice the smaller print: Under “Alex Sink Congress” was the sentence ‘Make a contribution today to help defeat Alex Sink and candidates like her,’ ” he said.

As with the Kyrsten Sinema campaign, the Republicans are using confusion and deception to try to steal donations which don’t belong to them. They’re counting on the fact that donors are busy, and will trust a quickie Google search to land them in the right place (also: hello, Google? Why is a fake Alex Sink campaign site ranked higher than the real one? UPDATE: Google has since put a phising warning on the website.) Even worse, in the case of Ray Bellamy’s errant donation, the NRCC wouldn’t refund his donation — until he went to the news media.

How is this not a violation of campaign finance rules? Or have we effectively done away with those?

Republicans are horrible people. Trying to steal elections, using fraud to steal donations — can’t you guys do anything honestly for once in your lives?

(h/t, Juanita Jean)