Tag Archives: Tennessee

Black Ice

Chaka and Willie enjoy some playtime.

Chaka and Willie enjoy some playtime.

This morning a local news reporter brought us the sad news of a traffic fatality in which “an SUV hit some black guys.”

Swear to God. Kicking myself for not recording it. This old bit from Key & Peele will have to suffice. Nashville is encased in ice right now. I’m staying home, and if I venture out anywhere it will be on foot.


Filed under Nashville, Tennessee, weather

Tennessee Gun Report: Facts Have A Known Liberal Bias

There’s yet another move afoot to send wet kisses to the NRA and allow guns in Tennessee’s parks. While the Depends crowd will no doubt bring up the threat of boogey men waiting to rape your women and steal your children and flat-screen TVs, today’s New York Times has this to say about our safest, most responsible evah (h/t, Jo in comments):

There is no central tally of the effects, with states often barring release of concealed-carry data and Congress hewing to the gun lobby’s opposition to research on guns’ effects on public health. But a methodical gleaning of eight years of news accounts by the Violence Policy Center, a gun safety group, found that in research involving 722 deaths in 544 concealed-carry shootings in 36 states and the District of Columbia, only 16 cases were eventually ruled lawful self-defense — even though this has been a major gun rights selling point for the new laws.

Nothing screams “my pro-gun argument completely lacks any basis in reality” louder than “states barring the release of concealed-carry data.” But I digress.

More gravely, the study found that the fatalities included 17 law enforcement officers shot by people with legal permits along with 705 slain civilians. There were 28 mass shootings (involving three or more victims) in which 136 people were killed — even though concealed carry has also been sold as a defense against massacres like the one in Newtown, Conn.

In studying the 544 shootings, the center found 177 cases where people with gun licenses were ultimately convicted of crimes, including homicides, and 218 cases where the permit holder used the gun to commit suicide. There were 44 total lives taken by licensed individuals who first murdered others, then committed suicide.

The full death toll attributable to concealed carry is undoubtedly larger because the center’s study did not cover all 50 states. Lawmakers dare not allow a national tally, so badly needed, to be kept by the government. No one is sure how many citizens now legally carry guns, but estimates run beyond 11 million nationally with many statehouse agendas pursuing even more permits.

What we don’t know surely won’t hurt us, amiright? But let’s put this “safest, most responsible evah” bullshit to bed right now.

And now, your Tennessee gun report:

• February 9, 2015:

This pants-wetter claims the mall in Morristown violated his 2nd Amendment Rights. Apparently he needs to revisit the concept of “private property rights.”

• February 7, 2015:

A 19-year-old Chattanooga man accidentally shot himself when he adjusted the gun he had in his pants. He does not appear to have hit anything important.

• February 4, 2015:

1- A 15-year-old in Morgan County accidentally shot himself. He died.

2- A 69-year-old Greeneville man pointed a loaded gun at another man, then clocked him on the head with it. Appears to be road rage, from what I can tell.

• January 31, 2015:

Mississippi, Tennessee, and Arkansas are in the top ten states for gun deaths in 2013. Tennessee ranks ninth. For more on this, see our January 30 gun report item.

• January 30, 2015:

State Senator Frank Nicely has proposed a “Second Amendment sales tax holiday” which would eliminate sale tax on firearms, ammo and hunting supplies the first weekend of September. From the story:

The bill is modeled after similar legislation in Mississippi.

Because Tennessee is so dumbed down we’re actually getting ideas from Mississippi, the state that is permanently last in everything sane people want to be first in.

My thought is we don’t need a sales tax holiday. We need to double or even triple the sales tax on guns, ammo and hunting supplies, to compensate for the cost of all the gun fail. I’m tired of privatizing gains and socializing losses. There’s a public cost associated with gun ownership and we need to make the gun owners responsible, by requiring liability insurance and providing funds to be used toward the medical and law enforcement costs that stem from gun ownership. Personal responsibility time.

• January 29, 2015:

1- Nashville man trying out new birthday shotgun accidentally shot out his neighbor’s window. Yes, alcohol was involved.

2- A Franklin County sheriff’s deputy was in Murfressboro and left his gun and bulletproof vest in his car, whereupon it was stolen. Slow clap.

• January 26, 2015:

Someone shot a bald eagle in Vonore, Tennessee. There’s a $10,000 reward for information.

• January 19, 2015:

This Memphis man shot two dogs with an AK-47. One died.

• January 18, 2015:

This Dyer County man chased a German shepherd puppy around his neighborhood shooting at it until he finally killed it.

• January 16, 2015:

A McMinn County man was arrested after waving an AK-47 and pointing it at traffic.

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Filed under gun control, Tennessee

It’s The Infrastructure, Stupid

Pardon me while I get hyper-local for a bit. But to the current crop of candidates running for Mayor of Nashville and Metro Council, please take note of the following:

Nashville has had yet another water main break this morning. The temperatures have been in the low- to mid-60s for the past week so this is not due to cold weather and freezing pipes.

This is the eighth water main break I’ve counted in the past six months. To recap the other seven:

• January 9, 2015: Natchez Trace/Blair Blvd.

• January 8, 2015: Two water main breaks, one on Harding Place at I-24 and one on McMurray Road in South Nashville.

• November 20, 2014: Harding Place at Jonquil Drive.

• September 25, 2014: Two in Green Hills/Oak Hill area: one on Lealand Lane and one on Harding Place.

• July 31 2014: 100 Oaks/Home Depot. This was the big one that shut off water to thousands of residents for days. The Mall at Green Hills was forced to close. Restaurants closed. It was a mess.

Having said all that, let me add: Clearly I’m waaay underestimating the water main issue because according to this story,

Metro has responded to an average of 450 water main breaks each year. Last January alone there were 168.

Obviously, most of those have been small enough so as to not be newsworthy.

Regardless, as Nashville seems hell-bent on investing tax money on stupid projects like the Gulch-SoBro Pedestrian Bridge, a new baseball stadium, and the new Music City Center which continues to underperform in the convention booking department, I’m wondering if anyone would mind reinvesting back in our existing communities and neighborhoods? Just a bit? Pretty please? I get that tourists are important and all, but honestly, that $16 million you just took out of the general fund to build a bridge to nowhere when there’s already a bridge a block away was just stupid. We need that money so we can get some dang water to our homes and businesses (and hospitals, and schools).

I find it deliciously ironic that today’s water main break has forced the headquarters of Bridgestone America to close. This is the same Bridgestone America that was just handed $52 million in tax incentives (including paying zero property taxes) by our Metro Council so they’d build a new skyscraper downtown. Bridgestone is currently headquartered out by the airport, a part of town that is presently without water. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Serves you right. Can you say, karma?

That’s a few million dollars in revenue that we just threw away that could have gone toward things like, I dunno, rebuilding our ancient water infrastructure. Bridgestone threatened to leave Nashville though — something I find highly unlikely, since they were already here. Now they’ve lost at least one day’s worth of productivity.

Nashville has always been an incredibly short-sighted town where planning is concerned. We’re the geniuses who tore down the governor’s mansion for a Popeye’s chicken franchise. We’re the ones who built a performing arts center without considering the need for parking, because I guess families coming in for a matinee of “Wicked” will just magically teleport themselves downtown.

You could take a band of monkeys from the Nashville Zoo and throw them into our planning department and I daresay they’d do as good a job as our esteemed pencil-necked “planners” who have destroyed our neighborhoods, increased traffic gridlock, stressed our city’s infrastructure, and overseen the bulldozing of historic landmarks.

But it’s always been that way. Nashville has never cared about its history. It would rather build an ersatz Antebellum hotel/theme park and charge you $10 for parking than protect the real treasures in its midst.

But God, at least pay some dang attention to infrastructure, people. How can you call yourself an “it city” when businesses are forced to close because of busted water mains? When people can’t navigate the overwhelmed roads and say screw it, I’ll shop at home?

Stuff needs to be paid for. The people who actually live here need services. It can’t always be all about the tourists, okay?


Filed under Nashville, taxes, Tennessee

2014 Tennessee #GunFAIL In Review

Ah, Tennessee and GunFAIL, we go together like cray and zee, like guns ‘n ammo, like “watch this” and “oops.” As promised, here are our Top 10 greatest hits (pun intended) from the preceding year. Enjoy!

10- In December 2013, a Madison woman pulled a gun in an argument over the Titans game. She said she was only joking, but she got arrested anyway. Some folks just can’t take a joke.

9- In May, a Memphis man brought a loaded gun into a movie theater. It fell out of his pocket and fired. Oops.

8- Finish the sentence: If your prom photo looks like this ….


This adorable couple hails from Granger County. The photo, which appeared in the Knoxville newspaper’s May “prom” edition, was so controversial that the paper actually cropped it — but not before your humble blogger was able to capture the full thing.

7- In December 2014, a Greeneville man tried to fix his lawnmower by shooting at the blade, and got injured for his trouble.

6- The tree of patriots must be watered with the blood of Liberties: In October, a Winchester dad showing his two sons how to load a rifle in the basement of their home accidentally shot his 7-year-old daughter, Liberty, in the stomach. Liberty was in another room; the bullet traveled through an air hockey table and a wall before finding its way into the child. Brilliant!

5- In June, a Meigs County man shot himself in the leg while he was driving. He died. The state’s “guns in cars” law was not quite a year old.

4- In April, a Knoxville man shot himself in the leg reaching for a cup of coffee.

3- Mother of all wardrobe malfunctions: In January a Carter County man shot himself in the chin while taking off his pants.

2- In August, a Kingsport woman showing her daughter her new Ruger via Skype accidentally shot her husband in the thigh. Ta da.

1- Our grand prize winner is 19-year-old Dallas J. Archer of Kingsport, who was arrested in April on a driver’s license offense and brought a stolen gun into jail by hiding it in her vagina. Did I mention it was loaded? It was loaded.

By the way, hope all the gun loons watch out for that pesky law of gravity tonight. It’s New Year’s Eve, but please don’t fire your rifle into the air. Bullets have a funny way of coming back down again.


Filed under gun control, gun violence, Tennessee

Tennessee Gun Report

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the Idaho woman/concealed carry permit holder who was shopping at Wal-mart when her toddler reached into her purse and shot her. She died on the scene. A tragic story, and also completely preventable.

But as more ordinary citizens come into daily contact with firearms, the statistical likelihood of such incidents occurring increases. Just as more people driving cars increases the likelihood of more car accidents, we’ll be seeing more gun accidents, fatal and otherwise. So yes, stories like this reinforce my decision to stay away from places like Kroger, Wal-mart, etc. which allow guns on their premises. Because crime is going down, folks; it’s actually less necessary to be armed everywhere. Unless, of course, you’re in the gun selling business.

Below is some Tennessee gun news from the past week. And watch for a “Best Of Tennessee Gun FAIL” post coming later today ….

• December 31, 2014:

1- A Maryville Wal-mart makes the gun report after an irate shopper pulled a gun on a fellow shopper following a minor argument in housewares:

The 33-year-old man told police that he became embroiled in an argument with another patron near the general merchandise entrance of the store.

He described the person with whom he quarreled as “a short blond woman with a tattoo somewhere on the left side of her body.” He said the woman accused him of intentionally bumping into one of her daughters.


Upon departing the store, the trio were approached by the tattooed woman once again. This time, she drove up in a black Toyota RG4 SUV (license plate: M75 82B), according to reports, and brandished a handgun in the direction of her perceived nemeses.

Witnesses said the woman yelled at the threesome as she wielded the gun, “I don’t call the cops; I take care of my own problems!” And with that, she drove away, reports said.

Brilliant! Let me add, Wal-mart has an alarming number of gun incidents. Perhaps that is also a statistical thing, as it’s the nation’s number one retailer. Regardless, I think I’ll continue to stay away.

2- A Nashville man standing on his front porch was accidentally shot by a stray bullet fired when two men in the front yard got into an argument.

3- Someone stole a Glock from the nightstand of a home in Greeneville. Because gun safes are just too hard.

• December 27, 2014:

In Chattanooga, a woman wearing body armor drove around town shooting at people. As more than one observer noted, police were able to apprehend the woman, who is white, without shooting and killing her. Many wonder if the outcome would have been the same had this person been a person of color. Thinking …

• December 26, 2014:

Wild, wild west, y’all: someone started shooting at Jazzy’s Restaurant in Nashville, and a security guard returned fire.

Honestly, it’s getting so where you don’t even want to leave the house.

• December 25, 2014:

From Johnson City, TN:


Parsons is the general manager of the Johnson City Cardinals minor league babseball team. Hilarious.

• December 24, 2014:

Drinkin’ and reminiscin’ and — pow!accidental shootin’ in Johnson City:

JCPD officers were told 43-year-old John Upshaw and his neighbor were drinking and reminiscing about their military service when Upshaw began handling a Smith and Wesson .40-caliber pistol owned by the victim, who was not named in a press release.

While considering purchasing the gun, it discharged in Upshaw’s hands, striking the victim in the right foot.

• December 23, 2014:

A Nashville man, upset that a cheeseburger was missing from his McDonald’s order, brandished a gun in the restaurant demanding not only his cheeseburger but also new French fries and soft drinks. Why? Because he had a gun, and he doesn’t need to answer your fucking questions!


Filed under gun control, Tennessee

Tennessee Gun Report

Two accidental shootings this week, one fatal.

• December 15, 2014:

1- A 6-year-old Memphis boy shot his 4-year-old sister in the face at their grandmother’s house. The gun was kept “for home protection.”

2- Also in Memphis: a paranoid 61-year-old man mistook his wife for an intruder and shot her in their bedroom. She died.

3- A 19-year-old Greeneville man shot a 6-month-old cat named Grandpa in the back of the head at point-blank range for no reason other than he’s a sadistic fuck. Donations to his veterinary care are currently being sought.

4- In unrelated acts, a dog and cow were also shot in Greeneville. Greeneville has a gun problem, as I noted in a June gun report.

5- Today in armed society/polite society: an intoxicated Hawkins County man fired a handgun at two neighbors with whom he had a property dispute. Various drugs and guns were later found inside his home. Law abiding, etc.

• December 11, 2014:

A Nashville woman angered that the Dept. of Children’s Services was going to put her infant in foster care returned to the DCS building with a gun and shot up the building and a car in the parking lot. Great way to prove your fitness as a parent, lady.


Filed under gun control, Tennessee

Tennessee Gun Report

Back to our usual two accidental shootings a week, I see. Meanwhile, my local TV news says a woman fired shots at the Dept. of Children’s Services in downtown Nashville while someone else fired a gun outside of Rivergate mall yesterday. These rootin’-tootin’-shoot’em’up stories of irresponsible gun use are so common they apparently don’t even warrant posting on any news site’s website. Yee-haw, y’all.

• December 10, 2014:

• A Murfreesboro woman says she shot herself in the hand trying to shoot a dog who chased her cat. No charges filed.

• Another loaded gun was found in someone’s carry-on bag at the Nashville airport. Because forgetting about your gun is so responsible!

• According to a new report from gun control advocates, Tennessee has had 7 school shootings since Newtown, ranking it third in the nation. We are tied with North Carolina.

• December 9, 2014:

Guns were stolen from a home in Erwin.

This is an every day occurrence but it reminds me of one of my biggest pet peeves: people who leave guns in unlocked cars, or unsecured in their homes, where they are easily stolen. If you aren’t responsible enough to safely store your guns and keep them from falling into the hands of thieves, then you aren’t responsible enough to own one.

• December 8, 2014:

One of our safest, most responsible ever:

COOKEVILLE — A customer dining at Cheddar’s on Saturday caused some damage as his firearm accidentally discharged, according to a report filed by Cookeville Police Officer Anthony Leonard.

The customer, who was not charged with anything, said he was sliding over in his seat when his firearm went off, shooting the bench seat.

“The bullet went through the seat and struck the concrete/tile floor, causing approximately $500 in damage,” the report stated. “He did have a valid Tennessee handgun carry permit.”

No signs of malfunction were detected by Officer Leonard, but the weapon was in a holster that had no safeties or trigger guards.

The customer then put his weapon in his vehicle, unloaded, and no further action was taken.

And they told us this would never happen. Shocking! Also, no charges filed because hey, that would be wrong.

• December 6, 2014:

• A Williamson County grand jury has issued an indictment against one of its new commissioners for carrying a gun onto school property.

• December 3, 2014:

• If this Springfield man didn’t have a gun in his car, he probably would have cussed his fellow customer out and driven away. Instead, the presence of a gun caused the inevitable escalation:

A Springfield man is facing an aggravated assault charge after Franklin police say he pulled a pistol on a Hardee’s drive-thru customer Monday morning.

In an act that police are calling “parking lot rage,” Joseph R. Evans, 34, entered into a heated verbal altercation with another customer, which led him to get out of his car with a gun and approach the victim in a threatening manner, according to a Franklin Police Department news release.

Evans, who is free on a $15,000 bond, could face up to six years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000, if convicted.

Police urge those confronted with street violence to protect themselves by locking vehicle doors and driving away from the danger while calling 911.

That last bit is hilarious. In Tennessee, where everyone is carrying, the obvious response is to pull your own weapon. Slow clap, Tennessee Republicans.


Filed under Housekeeping, Tennessee