Tag Archives: Guns

Congratulations, Unidentified TN Man! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

Although it was our lead item in this week’s Tennessee Gun Report, as several readers have alerted me, the story of the tragedy in Goodlettsville has been updated. And the details of this case are so abso-fucking insane, so monumentally absurd, they literally scream NEGLIGENT GUN OWNER. I simply had to make this unidentified individual our 2nd Amendment Hero.

Drum roll, please:

According to a news release from Goodlettsville Police Chief Gary Goodwin, the boy was watching television with his father and brother in the living room at the Summerfield Place Apartments on Moss Trail. The mother was on the telephone in the kitchen, Goodwin said.

The father always kept a weapon nearby for protection and it was not unusual that the weapon was present, the police chief said. The father was using the laser on the weapon to play with the family’s cat, as the pet would chase the red dot emitted by the laser. As he got up to go to the kitchen, the father forgot to place the weapon out of the children’s reach, Goodwin said.

Turner’s sibling picked up the gun to get the cat to chase the laser. Unfamiliar with how the laser operates, the sibling instead pulled the trigger, fired one round and fatally wounded the 5-year-old, Goodwin said.

Repeat after me: guns are not toys. Guns are not toys. Guns are not toys. Guns are not toys.

This is just the trifecta of gun stupid. Dad “always keeps gun nearby” for protection, because scary people! But then he treats the gun like a cat toy? And then “forgets” and leaves it where the kids can reach it? No. Just … noooo.

This is where I cue the Jim Jeffries gun control video where he tells us the only reason anyone wants a gun is because “I like guns, so fuck off.” Everything else is a bullshit argument. And this is 100% correct. If our dad of the year really needed that gun for security he wouldn’t have treated it like a goddamn cat toy, would he?

Herein lies the gun conundrum. If you DO need a gun constantly at the ready because, I dunno, you’ve got the Mafia hot on your trail or something, then it’s not safe for the kids, is it? If it’s in a safe where the kids can’t get at it, it’s no good for protection. Of course one of those “smart guns” might help in this situation, but the NRA doesn’t want you to have one of those. So, now your son is dead and it’s your fault. Sucks to be you, gun guy.

Our story closes with this:

The Davidson County District Attorney’s Office is reviewing the case to determine if any charges will be filed against the father.

I actually met Glenn Funk when he was running for DA and asked him, specifically, if he would vigorously prosecute gun negligence cases. Because I was very concerned that one of his biggest donors was rabid Republican moneybags Lee Beaman. Funk dodged the question, so I’m going to be really interested to see what he does with this case. Because I’m pretty tired of hearing how the family “has suffered enough.”

No. You treat a gun like a toy, leave it lying around for your children to play with, and the inevitable happens? You need to go to jail.

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Tennessee Gun Report

So much gun fail in the past couple of weeks that I don’t even know what to say. It’s almost as if more guns don’t make us safer! I know, crazy talk!

• November 22, 2015:

1- A 5-year-old in Goodlettsville was accidentally shot at home on a Saturday evening. He died. No details on what happened, of course. Just another tragic accident. [UPDATE]: More information has been released: The child was shot by an older sibling. Incident occurred while the kids were playing with the family cat using a laser mounted on a gun. Dad was watching TV. Said he “kept a weapon nearby for protection.” Worked real good, except for that one time.

2- A Johnson City man threatened his wife with a gun. This seems to happen a lot. Men say they want a gun to “protect myself and my family” and then end up turning that same gun on the wife and kids.

• November 21, 2015:

A Greeneville family wants to know why someone would have shot their Boston terrier Lola, resulting in the amputation of one of her legs. A reward has been offered.

• November 20, 2015:

Four guns were stolen from a home in Normandy. Gotta wonder about this one, the family was away from the home for over a month but workmen had access to the home. I’m going to guess the guns weren’t kept locked up. Idiots.

• November 19, 2015:

1- 44 handguns were stolen from a Dalton, Ga. pawn shop, just outside of Chattanooga. This happens all the damn time and I just wonder how fucking hard it is to secure your stock at night.

One thing I’ve learned from living out in the sticks is that a lot of “gun shops” and “pawn shops” are basically someone’s garage. This needs to change. Because these guns end up on the streets of Chicago killing kids.

2- A Kingsbury High School student in Memphis brought a loaded 9mm onto campus, he says to sell it to another student. Oy vey.

• November 17, 2015:

1- Robbers hit a Hendersonville gun store in a “smash and grab” operation. Seems like this happen an awful lot. Don’t know why it’s so hard to lock up your stock. Oh wait, I just said that, didn’t I. Never mind. #StuffHappens

2- A Murfreesboro man decided to off himself with a gun in his neighbor’s backyard.

• November 16, 2015:

1- A Hamilton County man accidentally shot himself. Details still coming in.

BTW, I love how news reports always say we’re supposed to “Stay with XYZ Network for updates to this story,” but we never get the updates.

2- The Tennessee Firearms Assn. is having big sadz that our Attorney General has ruled that black powder firearms are, in fact, firearms, and therefore subject to all of the same restrictions of ownership (minimal tho they may be) as codifided in state law.


• November 15, 2015:

A Hawkins County woman was accidentally shot in the face at an estate sale in Greene County:

The auctioneer handed a man a .22 caliber rifle to look at when it fired. The bullet hit Julia Belle, 63, of Church Hill, in the mouth, knocking out several teeth.

She was transported by medical helicopter to Holston Valley Medical Center, and the sheriff said she is doing well.

The gun’s trigger was secured by a ziplock tie, but must not have been completely secured.

Must not have been.

• November 12, 2015:

1- An indictment has been handed down in the case of a hunter who was accidentally shot and killed last September. Robin Smartt Jr. has been charged with reckless homicide in the shooting death of Chad Killian, and one count of felon in possession of a firearm.

2- As previously posted, our 2nd Amendment Hero of the day is an unnamed Murfreesboro man who shot a man who approached his car because he “scared the [expletive] out of me.”

By the way, the shooter was brought in for questioning but initially not charged.


Filed under gun control, Guns, Tennessee

Congratulations, Unidentified AZ Man! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

Pro-tip: when you accidentally fire your brand-new gun while you’re showing it off in your apartment it might be a good idea to check to see if everyone is OK next door:


According to the police report, a teenage resident who was home alone in her apartment in the 200 block of West Oakmont Avenue was standing in the hallway when she heard a loud bang and felt something rush past her right leg sometime between 8:30 and 9 p.m. Nov. 6. At first, she said, she thought she had been shot. When she realized she was uninjured, she immediately called her mother and hid in the bathroom for the next 20 minutes.

The teen and her mother had never heard a gunshot before, so they did not know what had happened until this past Monday, when the mother discovered a spent 9 millimeter bullet on the floor underneath a dresser. The bullet appeared to have pierced an interior wall, leaving a tiny hole, and continued through the first layer of side paneling on the dresser before it was stopped by the side of the bottom drawer and fell to the ground.

Officers spoke to the residents of a neighboring apartment. One of the men told police that on Nov. 6, he was showing his roommate the new handgun he had just purchased when he accidentally shot through a door jam and into the wall he shared with the victims’ apartment. The suspect told police he thought there was a cinder block wall between the two apartments that would stop the bullet before it could hurt anyone. He became apologetic when he learned that was not the case.

Awful lot of these guns-shooting-into-neighbors’-apartments incidents. Wondering how long before apartment managers demand a gun deposit for their pants-wetting tenants?

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Congratulations, Unidentified LA Man! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

I’m not sure which one surprises me more: that this guy was vacuuming, or that he was vacuuming with a gun. I mean, Mr. Beale had me pretty convinced that if a man touches a vacuum cleaner, his penis falls off.

But I digress:

GREENWOOD, La. (KTBS) – A Greenwood man ended up at the hospital after he accidentally shot himself while cleaning house.

The man was wearing a small pistol while he vacuumed his home on Blue Nole Road this afternoon when the gun went off.

The bullet went through the right side of the man’s body.

He was taken to University Health for treatment, police said.

What. The. Fuck.


Filed under gun control, Guns

Congratulations, Unidentified Texas Man! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

The plot of every country song, wrapped up in one glorious gunfail:

The man told police who responded to his home that he had been drinking, got drunk and was listening to music while he sat in his truck. When a sad song that he didn’t like started playing, he shot the radio with a .22-caliber pistol, KTRE reported.

The man’s wife took his gun away and took custody of the man, a police report said.

Let me give the Missus some advice: dump the gun. AND the man.


Filed under Guns

Congratulations, Unidentified TN Man! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

We have an awful lot of Nervous Nellies running around the state of Tennessee with their pew-pew-pew toys, firing them every time they’re a-skeered. Yesterday it was Sherry McLain of Lacassas, who pulled a gun on a man (some reports say he was African American) who approached her in the parking lot of a Murfreesboro Walmart.

Today we return to Murfreesboro, where a man who is apparently a veteran is inexplicably shot by a terrified driver:

It happened just before noon at the intersection of Middle Tennessee Boulevard and South East Broad Street, and witnesses said the victim was a veteran.

The man witnesses said to be a former Marine, was driving a black infinity and stopped in the road to get out of his car and say something to the 22-year-old driver of a Volvo.

The 22-year-old fired one shot from inside his car, which hit the man in the stomach and exited through his side and hit his elbow.

A witness told NewsChannel 5 that the man asked the shooter, “why did you shoot me?” The driver responded by saying,” you scared the [expletive] out of me.”

Once again, I’m going to go out on a limb and say our veteran was a person of the melanin-enhanced persuasion. Hey, I could be wrong! But I’m probably not!

BTW, happy Veterans Day! Thanks for your service! BAM!

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Tennessee Gun Report

We’ve got some awesome gunfail from across the state this week. Let me tell you, I feel so safe with all of these Second Amendment Heroes on the loose. Really, we must be the safest state in the country! No? Why not?

• November 9, 2015:

If I were placing bets I’d say the man in question was black, but hey, I could be wrong about this:

MURFREESBORO, Tennn. – A 67-year-old woman was arrested for pulling a gun in a Walmart parking lot after she was approached by a stranger in what she called self defense.

The woman said she feared for her life and pulled out a gun, but she was the one facing serious criminal charges.

It has become a controversial case raising questions about how far you can go if you think you are in mortal danger.

“It scared me absolutely to death,” said Sherry McLain. She was loading groceries into her car this past Saturday in the crowded Walmart parking lot on Old Fort Parkway in Murfreesboro.

That’s when a strange man approached, surprising her, and she pulled her revolver. “I have never been so afraid of anything in my whole life I don’t think,” said McLain. “This guy is the bad guy and I’m the one in handcuffs walking away.”

Murfreesboro police said there’s much more to the story. “There was no reason for her to perceive any legitimate threat,” said Sergeant Kyle Evans.

Officers at the scene talked with McLain and the man who approached her. It turned out that he had just bought cigarettes and asked her for a light.

Witnesses confirmed this and security video showed the man, who we could not reach for comment, never got closer than 10 feet to McLane.

Sherry McLain, you are my favorite Second Amendment Hero this week! I love all of these terrified people pulling guns on everyone and everything that spooks them. Drop a jar? BAM! Car backfires? BAM! Dog barking? BAM! BAM! BAM! It makes me feel so safe! Don’t you feel safer knowing there are terrified Sherry McLains out there pulling out their guns at everything in public places? Thank you, Tennessee Republicans for making this possible!

Yes, she had a CCW permit.

By the way, watch the video at the link. It’s priceless.

• November 8, 2015:

A woman driving in Murfreesboro was shot at by a BB gun or pellet gun:

The incident occurred late last week and police wrote that the pellet shattered the victims passenger side window. The gun that fired the shot was evidently powerful enough to cause not only the glass to break, but also hit the victim in the shoulder.

The officer wrote in the report, “I observed a small circular abrasion along with a couple of linear abrasions on her right shoulder blade.”

Probably fired by Sherry McLain who was scared by a bird.

• November 7, 2015:

Tennessee, you have a gun problem: a fisherman was shot at on Percy Priest Lake outside of Nashville. Ironically, the incident occurred during a fundraiser for another fisherman who was shot and killed on the same lake last month.

Bogdal was fishing on his Kayak Saturday morning on Percy Priest Lake near the Smith Springs boat ramp.

He was fishing as part of a fundraiser for Gregg Hawkins who was shot and killed a month ago at the Mona boat ramp.

“As I was fishing I was facing the bank, so the opposite way and I heard three or four shots,” said Bogdal.

He told Channel 4 News when he turned around he saw an orange two door car.

“They saw that I saw them, he moved the position of his car and re-angled it this way, so he could get a clear shot from his passenger window. He made four or five shots across channel you know to try to get them as close as he could and then he left the area,” said Bogdal.

You know, it’s almost as if more guns don’t make us safer! Unless, you know, maybe it was Sherry McLain out for a day on the lake, and she got spooked by a snapping twig. Could happen! She’s very scared, you know.

• November 5, 2015:

I don’t usually post gun violence stories here because there’s just too many of them and they aren’t usually gunfail (gun stupidity), but this story deserves a mention.

A Metro Nashville Councilman was shot three times outside a gas station in West Nashville. The shooters are still at large.

It is truly startling how gun violence now dominates the morning news. I’ve watched our CBS affiliate every morning for about 10 years now; it’s part of our morning ritual at the Beale household. Used to be there might be one gun violence story; now, they’re all shootings or gun related. Clearly moar gunz! has had a deleterious affect on the quality of life in Middle Tennessee.

2- The Metro Nashville Fair Board is considering changing its policy about gun shows at the Fairgrounds. The NRA is not amused.

• November 3, 2015:

A Clarksville woman was accidentally shot in the head and is believed to have died.

• November 1, 2015:

Two Memphis teens were accidentally shot:

The 15-year-old victim of that shooting told police he was with his 16-year-old friend at the time. He said the friend had his hands in his pockets, and the gun “just went off,” shooting him in the foot and the 16-year-old in the hand.

The 15-year-old was transported to Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital in noncritical condition, and the 16-year-old fled the scene on foot, police said.

• October 30, 2015:

A rumored school shooting in Lebanon kept kids out of school the day before Halloween.


Filed under gun control, gun violence, Guns, Tennessee

Congratulations, Unidentified MI Woman! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

The hits just keep on coming from our safest, most responsible citizens evah! This profile in responsible gun ownership happened in the parking lot of a Kroger:

TROY, Mich. – A 4-year-old boy shot himself in the upper abdomen Friday afternoon with his mother’s gun in the parking lot of a grocery store in Troy, police said.

Capt. Bob Redmond said the boy’s mother was loading up the family’s car in the Kroger parking lot at Crooks Road and W. South Boulevard when the boy found the gun in the center console and fired it.

Redmond said the woman’s 10-year-old son also was with them. He was not injured.

Police said the boy’s mother is a licensed gun holder. The gun is a 9-mm Smith & Wesson semi-automatic handgun. Police said the trigger lock was not in place. The gun was loaded with 16 rounds.

The boy shot himself once in the upper abdomen. The bullet exited through his right thigh. His mother is with him at Beaumont Hospital. The boy is in stable condition.

The gun assholes are now blaming this incident on gun control activists, believe it or not, because if Kroger allowed CCW holders to carry their weapons inside (so the logic goes), the gun wouldn’t have been in the center console! (They didn’t say anything about the trigger lock not being in place, of course.) Brilliant way to dodge responsibility. Apparently CCW holders are always responsible, even when they aren’t.

As an interesting sidebar to this story, there is some dispute as to who owned the gun:

The mother of the child, reportedly from Rochester Hills, told police the gun belonged to her husband. Both she and her husband have concealed pistol licenses.

Which parent owned the gun is immaterial, Redmond told the Free Press.

“We talked to both of them – we’re not sure they’re living together – and there’s some disagreement about who left the weapon in the console. That doesn’t matter to me. She’s still responsible for the child’s safety,” Redmond said.

Two CCW holders. Double the risk. This family was an accident waiting to happen.


Filed under gun control, Guns

Open Carry Kills

There was a mass shooting in Colorado Springs over the weekend, a city frequently in the news for gun accidents. 33-year-old Noah Harpham took his AR-15 and opened fire in a rampage that killed three people before police gunned him down.

If only this could have been prevented somehow. From the Denver Post:

Bettis said she recognized the gunman as her neighbor — whom she didn’t know by name — and that before the initial slaying she saw him roaming outside with a rifle. She called 911 to report the man, but a dispatcher explained that Colorado has an open carry law that allows public handling of firearms.

What have we been saying, people? Open carry or open fire: you can’t know until it’s too fucking late!

Slow clap, gun lobby. You’ve got blood on your hands.


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Congratulations, Unidentified FL Man! You’re Our 2nd Amendment Hero Du Jour

One of our safest, most responsible citizens EVAH has accidentally shot a customer at a Sanford, Florida, Cracker Barrel. Freedom alert:

Man accidentally shot when customer’s gun falls to floor while at Sanford Cracker Barrel

Customer’s gun fell out of holster

SANFORD, Fla. – A customer’s gun fell to the floor, accidentally shooting a man while inside the Cracker Barrel restaurant in Sanford Sunday morning.

The Seminole County Sheriff’s Office said after interviewing witnesses at the scene, deputies determined that a customer was on his way to the register to pay for his meal when his legally carried firearm fell from his holster onto the floor, discharging one round, which struck a male patron in the lower leg.

The shooting was determined to be accidental and no charges are expected to be filed.

GOT THAT? No charges will be filed because mistakes are made, accidents happen, yada yada. Sorry innocent person who just wanted to grab some breakfast! I hope they sue the living fuck out of Cracker Barrel.

Why aren’t CCWers required to carry liability insurance? It’s long past time to make this simple requirement.


Filed under gun control, Guns